What is that magic quality makes some people instantly loved and respected? Everyone wants to be their friend (or, if single, their lover!) In business, they rise swiftly to the top of the corporate ladder. What is their “Midas touch?”
What it boils down to is a more skillful way of dealing with people.
Day 17 of the 28 Day Self-Growth Plan
How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships by Leil Lowndes
I know I said I had some thoughts on the idea that “the opposite of gratitude is criticism” and I haven’t flushed them all out. And I know that I said I wasn’t indulging in the “always looking to be disgusted” trend either.
But that does not mean that I am throwing out all judgment, opinion, or critique. There are moments, times, occasions where thoughtful and honest commentary may not be entirely positive, but it is what it is.
Y’all, if this book is anything at all like the summary, the creep factor is through the roof. I mean I guess it could just be me but passages like
The sticky eye technique entails pretending your eyes is glued to your partner with a sticky warm taffy while he converses with you. Do not break eye contact during the conversation, and if you must, do it slowly and reluctantly, slowly stretching the gooey taffy until you break the tiny string.
Have your eyes glued on your target no matter who is speaking, keeping looking at him, in a way that says, “I only have eyes for you” or “I can’t take my eyes off you.” Have your eyes only on the listener, your target, not the speaker. Be extremely interested in his reactions.
The moment you are introduced, reward your new acquaintance with the warm smile, a total-body turn, undivided attention you could accord a tiny tyke who crawled up to your feet, turn your acquaintance face up to yours, give a big toothless grin. Pivot 100% towards your new acquaintance and say, “I think you are very, very special.”
That last one is called the “Big-Baby Pivot” technique. I shit you not.
However, I will find a healthy dose of gratitude as I am committed to find the gift in all things. And although the “Epoxy Eyes” technique isn’t one of them, there were a few takeaways that reminded me about all the smart shit I want to take into 2021 with me.
The first centers on words. And I am a lover of words. The summary threw out a statistic that stated the vocabulary word count difference between upper and middle class folks was only 50 words. The author suggested that if you replaced some of your “common” vocabulary for two months, you could become verbally elite.
So, I hit the google. And it is pretty much just what you would think
- Children that are read to have a higher probability of succeeding in school
- Economic and social status is proportional to word count
- Older people know more words than younger people
Additionally, there were tons of differences in estimates depending on whether the criteria for knowing a word was “I know what it means” or “I know it’s a word.”
What was not to be found anywhere was that 50 number.
Oh! Fun fact. Folks who generally read “lots” AND read fiction “lots” know more words than people who read “lots” BUT read fiction “somewhat” or “never.” The theory there is fiction uses a broader scope of words than non-fiction. Just a little piece of science you can throw at someone who criticizes your brain candy reading choices 😊
The author had a neat tip that she called “Scramble Therapy.”
Every month participate in an activity you have never done before, do something you never dream of doing — scramble your life. Go to an exhibition, participate in a sport, hear a lecture on a new topic…Every month, participate in an activity you have never done before, do something you never dream of doing – scramble your life.
So, the author’s motivation is to have experiences that will allow you to develop “the right lingo and appropriate insider questions” to have in your arsenal when you talk to people. Whatever works for her I suppose.
But the experience itself motivates me.
I am reminded of the quote by Thomas Fuller (don’t be mad – he did say it before Benjamin Franklin)
…either do things worth the writing, or write things worth the reading.
And to that, I say “YES!”
I took a few vocabulary tests. I found it more fun than the developers probably intended.
So, I paid the $2.99 and downloaded the Vocabulary app. I am looking at Moosh as well because, well, you know, graduate school is going to be a thing. But we aren’t there yet. Right now, I just want to see if I can raise these two scores.
It’s getting a little late in the day so the search for the best way to stay current on crazy stuff to do every month. But I did put it on my project tracker so maybe I’ll remember to get around to it.
I am still feeling a kind of way about the summary. I think it stems from what I perceive to be misguided intentions. Or probably more accurate, misguided goals. I don’t want everyone to like me. I mean, sure, conflict isn’t fun. Being disliked is not my favorite thing to be. But what type of octopus style squishing and bending and conforming would one have to do to be liked all the time? How much time are we wasting by putting up our representative instead of just starting out with out authentic selves?
How much time are we wasting…
Nope, it is time for me to jump on my Peloton. I’ll keep you posted on the vocabulary and scramble stuff. Maybe you’ll decide to join me. And by me, I mean me – not my representative. You can leave yours home too 😊