Archives for June 2021

Sit Down and Let Go

When you ask an author when they started to write, they’ll say the usual, “I’ve always been a storyteller,” or some other vague, profound answer. That’s not the case for me. I had always been a reader, but writing didn’t seem worthwhile until I began to read stories made by my peers. 

These stories sucked me in, telling me fantastically unrealistic twists of our reality while depicting flat, boring characters. Poorly written, filled with tropes and clichés, and horribly formatted on an app that had me under its spell, reminding me that anyone could write on their platform. Anyone. 

While I truly believe anyone has the talent to write and everyone has a story to tell, they just lack the craft or motivation to do it, that couldn’t be said for teenage me. I had to prove that I could write a better story. I spent hours writing stories, just as poorly written and horribly crafted as my peers. I posted them, proud of what I had accomplished, thinking the few hundred words I spent hours crafting was the next JK Rowling. (In hindsight, I am so glad I no longer strive to be like JK or any other author. I’d rather pave my own literary career than try to mimic the success of one.) How far from the truth that had been… 

It doesn’t really matter how a writer starts, though. What makes a writer different from someone who likes writing, is the will to sit down and let go. There are thousands of users on that app that spent years writing stories just to write, but they stopped. They haven’t picked up a pen or opened a word doc with the idea of creating a story to post since.

It’s also the most difficult aspect of writing. Some would say coming up with a new, original idea, but breaking through the fog of writer’s block or lack of motivation is a writer’s true downfall. 

There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.

Ernest hemingway

The past few months, I’ve spent most of my free time writing. Mostly fun, little prompts to get the juices flowing and to work the writing muscle. It hasn’t been easy, balancing other projects and work with a social life. I have goals that I try to meet, deadlines that I strive to, and of course, the end dream of one day publishing my manuscript. 

Camp Nanowrimo starts tomorrow. I’ve always found the Nanowrimo project to be motivational, if only to get me to put words on a page. With Camp, I can set my own goal, choose the pages, the hours, the words that I want to create in the month of July. I can even join a cabin, to meet other writers in the same genre, age range, or region as me to cheer each other on as we all write together. 

It’s as cheesy as it sounds. It works for the first week, somewhat of the second, and then… Poof! I won’t think about it again. 

This year, I’d like to really give it a go. I’ve won them before, just barely making the deadlines, but this go around I’m striving for higher. Instead of the usual 50,000 words, I’d like to aim a little higher. Or… right at 100,000.

It’s an outrageous goal. It’s happened before, where I’ve written that much in the span of two months for one project, but never in a month. 

I’d like to take you on this journey with me, to see if you can hold me accountable without all the gushy rainbows and vain commentary that comes with generic writing groups. I hope you’ll join me and maybe decide to sit down, pick up your pen or open a word doc, and let your mind go to another world only you can see. 

Let it all go and write.

Education and Possibilities

“The strength of the United States is not the gold at Fort Knox or the weapons of mass destruction that we have, but the sum total of the education and the character of our people.”

Senator Claiborne Pell, Rhode Island, 1961-1997

One of my biggest regrets in life is that I didn’t take my education more seriously. In fact, it didn’t become a factor at all until I became a mother myself – funny how that works.

Now, as my older children prepare to return to school (one more anxious than the other), I consider it a top priority to guide them towards an appreciation of learning. I hope to instill in them more than retention of facts, but the ability to construct those facts into ideas and new creations.

As one who has recently returned to college, I am excited about learning new things in a different way. However, in this adventure, I realize how much I have already learned through those around me.  The life of a learner doesn’t start and stop within the confines of a building or a semester schedule.  It is a continual cycle of being taught and then teaching others.

Imagine the possibilities when these two habits are adopted. Our abilities and understanding grow with exposure to new things learned. Then that growth multiples and gives back when we turn around and offer what we know to somebody else.

Jordan, Everybody. Everybody, Jordan

Jordan Sparks is an aspiring author on the pathway to becoming a teacher, with an education built from a partial BFA in Writing at Savannah College of Art and Design and a Bachelor’s in Secondary Education at Georgia State University.  Until she can achieve her plans of being a published author, with her first manuscript nearly finished, she participates in Nanowrimo and several online writing groups. With a focus on contemporary queer works geared toward young adults, she’s used her experience as a college student and in the classroom as a Deep Writing Fellow to strengthen her understanding of her audience as a writer and a person.

I have a tough time with follow through. That’s not entirely accurate. My problem is patience. It took me longer than I care to admit figuring this out. The challenge is that it manifests itself in so many different ways that the root issue of patience was camouflaged. 

You see, when I get an idea, I am like a dog with a bone – completely consumed, singularly focused, highly passionate. If the bone is a biscuit, a treat, this works for me. It’s consumed easily, quickly, efficiently, all in one sitting. If the bone is a squeaky toy, I can make this work too. I may not see progress in finishing the bone, but it makes a fun noise; I know I am doing something even if I am not completely sure what that something is. 

If it is a real bone, a solid bone, a big bone, this is where I find my challenge. There’s no sign of progress, no way to tell how long the endeavor will take, no certainty that I can finish it or be successful with it. Sticking with this bone in a consistent way is not my strong suit. For a long time, I was tough on myself because I thought this meant things about me that I viewed as shameful. I thought that it meant that I was lazy, fearful, soft, fickle, a quitter. 

This was a tough figure out for me. I was torn between trying to be brutally honest with myself and a nagging feeling that these things were not true about me – even if the evidence suggested that they were. 

One of the first steps to figuring this out was getting some help. I needed someone who could think for me, think like me, but function differently enough to organize my chaos, put me on task, and track what I considered to be untrackable. 

Y’all, I don’t always realize how great my ideas are as soon as I have them, but I realized bringing Jordan on as my assistant was a game changer almost as soon as she agreed to the position.

For nearly three months, Jordan has been my other brain, my scorekeeper, my nudge, my handler, my finagler. When I tell you she is brilliant, trust that it is an understatement. 

It was during the first two of these three months that I attempted and failed to be the task completer she hoped I would be. I was stumped. I imagine she was frustrated (although she never showed it). Here is this perfectly curated plan, brilliantly laid out in exactly the way my brain works. This should be my EXACT type of bone. Yet I am still unable to bite into, to stick with. WTAF?

Patience. I am impatient with myself, I am impatient with the process, I am impatient with the results. The path that Jordan has laid out for me is not a 5-minute quick draw. It is a journey into the productive, creative, academic, successful endeavors I want to participate in. It has always been that. But it took Jordan’s involvement to help me see it. I couldn’t be more appreciative of the discovery and her patience while I find my own. 

Now, I share her with you. I have no idea what she is going to write about, what type of conversations she is going to start, how often, or anything. I just know she asked for space here and I was honored to give it. If she is half as brilliant for you as she has been for me, we are all in for a treat.

Reconnecting with Bliss

Nothing is more important than reconnecting with your bliss.
Nothing is as rich.  Nothing is more real.

~Deepak Chopra

My favorite things about today’s quote may not be readily apparent. In fact, it took me a bit to figure it out myself. You know how when you look at a piece of art, hear a great piece of music, take a bite of a great piece of food – you know you really like it, you just having trouble putting the words to the feeling. Then I realized my appreciation is in three parts.

First, he uses the word “reconnecting.” This word is totally encouraging. It suggests that bliss separation happens. We shouldn’t feel inadequate or inept if we find ourselves in a funk. We can be encouraged that it has happened to others as it is happening to us, and we can reconnect.

Second, he calls the bliss reconnection “real” – and it is. How many of us have gone through those darker periods? We consider those to be very real. In the same truth, moments of bliss have to be real as well. However, we fail to trust the realness of the lighter moments as fear tells us they are little less that vapor and imagination, therefore they will vanish quickly so let’s not get too excited. But the bliss is real and can be believed in.

Finally, and most importantly, Chopra does not define what the bliss is. He does not tell us how our inner spirit manifests or identifies this bliss. I personally find this connection spiritually via a theology that I have faith in. But I will tell you there have been periods in my life where that connection was confused and shaky. How encouraging it is to know that bliss is not judgement or condemnation but inner strength and light – and call that what you will.

Today, I encourage us all to identify our bliss. Remember that it is real, it is yours and it is up to you to define and hold on to. We are not talking about a superficial feel good moment that comes and goes with the change of the seasons. We are talking about the inner spark of immutable light that connects our authentic selves to the rest of humanity and beyond. It is characterized by goodness, strength and possibility. It is yours, ours, for the connecting.

 

*Featured photo credit ~ Cheryl Empey
*Chopra Photo – Public domain

The Overdue Romance of One Miss Jane Eyre

Scholars, educators, and (often bored) high school students continue to discuss the internal motivations and the external ramifications of Charlotte Brontë’s 1847 novel Jane Eyre ad nauseum. As a work overall and as a character in particular, critiques offer Jane Eyre as one of the forerunners into the feminist movement, resisting the suppression of the colonizers and patriarchy via asserting her own autonomy for at least herself, if not the entire female gender. While many have put forth pages of supporting ideas – the rebellion against the Reeds, the mistreatment by Brocklehurst, the refusal of Edward Rochester – a closer comparison of the novel to the argument, in particular the argument put forth by Rachel Willis in her 2018 essay “A Man is Nothing without the Spice of Devil in Him: Jane Eyre and Edward Rochester Navigate an Imperially-Inscribed Masculinity,” defeats said ideas in its contradiction. Considering the often-used and intersectional post-colonial and feminist approaches, the contradiction created leaves Jane Eyre, while still beautifully written, little more than a genre romance. By allowing the generic labeling of any male of authority as “the colonizer” or any female protagonist as a “feminist,” the actual harbingers and instigators of change lose their effectiveness amid the noise of the distracting inconsistencies.  

For any dear readers out there, please stick with me. I will in no way mar the dignity of our beloved Miss Eyre. To be sure, Brontë’s work, in my opinion, deserves its place in the literary cannon. Brontë was certainly pioneering in the 19th century with her characterization of an orphaned governess who has designs for her life that do not include the pursuit of happiness through the custom of her society of the day, specifically the goal to marry well. It is true that Eyre is a different type of female protagonist. Furthermore, I do not subscribe to the common notion that romance is less than in relation to other types of genre fiction. Romance, as a literary contribution, holds as much validity in the realm of “great” reading as any other genre. That it has an expected arc –development of two main characters that revolve around the culmination of a romantic relationship – in no way excludes it from the capability of being intelligently and substantially written. To put a stronger point on it, I agree with the idea presented by Neal Wyatt and Joyce G. Saricks in their 2019 The Readers’ Advisory Guide to Genre Fictionwhen they began their discussion of the genre by emphasizing: 

That Romance remains a literary punching bag does not reflect well on our cultural moment, and it is perhaps beyond the scope of this chapter to illuminate all the ways a genre largely written and read by women is still undervalued, even as it accounts for over a third of fiction sales. (215) 

In fact, this one statement launches an entirely different discussion about why it is more important that Jane Eyre own the classification as romance fiction. Eyre has been pigeonholed into the role of the protofeminist. The unintended consequence of this mischaracterization is a furthering of the incorrect notion that, because it appeals to primarily women, romance fiction is not bona fide in its own right. There is quite the argument to be made that the subjugating of romance fiction is a more supportable example of abuse by the patriarchy than that attributed to Rochester. While not the scope of this particular paper, I think the ideas will show themselves. At the very least, I hope these clarifications and accolades of both Brontë and the romance genre will assure those who hold the book as beloved that my intention is to elevate both rightfully and not to tear down either unnecessarily simply for arguments sake.  

To be sure, Eyre is not a woman any other self-respecting woman would attempt to tear down. Brontë has created in her an admirable character. It may be tempting to regard the novel as historical fiction when a present-day reader enters its pages. This would be a mistake. Brontë penned the work in a setting that was contemporary to her own. The age difference between the author and her character is not a marked one. Therefore, Brontë is not creating a character that exists in a time period different from her own. This being true, unless a reader is disregarding the author on the whole, Eyre must be evaluated in the scope of her day since that is the period in which Brontë placed her. To this end, it is useful to consider the intersectionality of influences using the protocol as explained by Margret Andersen and Patricia Hill Collins; specifically, the social structure of Brontë, and thus Eyre, is important to consider so that Eyre’s gender, race, and class identity can be approached in its proper framework (4-5). When cogitated in this manner, it is Eyre’s social environment that must be considered before her femaleness is evaluated.  

Inside this social environment, Eyre cannot develop into anything other than what the patriarchy has formed for her before her birth primarily and after the death of her parents certainly. Brontë gives us a child who sees herself as unharmonious, unloved, unwanted, and frankly stated, “a noxious thing” (226). While some feminists may have gotten their start this way, Eyre does not live in a time with that ideal. What may be more universal, and thus more plausible, is that of childhood trauma, which, if nothing else, this certainly is. What Brontë gives us is an origin story that is very close to being idyllic. Eyre is born to parents that, by all accounts, love each other and, so one could assume, would have loved her had they lived. When they die, Eyre is again offered the opportunity of childhood affection from her uncle, Mr. Reed, the brother of Eyre’s mother. Brontë makes it clear that Mr. Reed loved his niece and would, had he also lived, made every opportunity available to her as if she were his own daughter. Unfortunately, he dies as well, leaving Eyre’s care to an aunt, the widowed Mrs. Reed, coerced into a deathbed promise to take care of the young girl. This is where Eyre’s luck runs out and the patriarchy takes over. The new “man of the house” is the easily unlikable John Reed, Mrs. Reed’s only son. John Reed’s enjoyment of  tormenting the young Eyre and using his position to both exert his dominance and reducing Eyre to subordinate is easily seen in his assertion to her that, “you are a dependent, mama says; you have no money; your father left you none; you ought to beg, and not to live here with gentlemen’s children like us, and eat the same meals we do, and wear clothes at our mama’s expense” (Brontë 141). Compounding this oppression, Mrs. Reed supported her son’s abuse as she herself was jealous of the affection her husband afforded both Eyre and her mother. This jealousy created and immediate hatred of the child, a hatred that resulted in a dampened childhood development and, as such a girl who gave no delight, not because she did not want to, but because there was no one to delight in her. Brontë ensures this conclusion is not speculation in the relationship with Helen Burns and Maria Temple. It is in these relationships that Eyre is given the opportunity to step into her own potential and find connection in acceptance. Once free to explore her own capabilities, she proves to be a person who can learn, love, and survive.  

While the background may seem extensive, its establishment is required to understand the points of disagreements to the arguments presented that Brontë intended to illuminate the feminist nature of Eyre and the colonization attempts by Rochester as argued by Willis. In her essay, Willis supports the opinion that Eyre is a feminist figure and Rochester the colonizing patriarchy. While well written and agreeable on some points (with a ridiculously catchy title), on the whole the comparisons do more to dilute the discussion than advance it.  

In order to establish a colonization argument, there must be both a colonized and a colonizer. Willis attempts to do this by placing Eyre as the colonized with the entire patriarchy as the colonizer – specifically, Christianity, Brocklehurst, and Rochester (248). Willis employs previous documented arguments that Brontë introduces Eyre as a body to be colonized by “feminist orientalism allow[ing] Brontë to critique patriarchal oppression in the West by displacing it onto Eastern or colonial locations” (246). This idea would be interesting except that it completely overlooks the whole of Eyre’s background and dismisses large swaths of Brontë’s story as discussed. Eyre’s original oppressors (abusers) were her family. Eyre’s original condemner was her aunt who was supported by Mr. Brocklehurst. Her nemesis was British society, not the “other” Mrs. Rochester. The oppression of Eyre was in no way meant to make her useful or exploitable; no one that Eyre had come into contact with during her childhood (who was still alive) had any use for her. The goal was to make her disappear. John Reed assaulted her whenever she was in his sight. Mrs. Reed sent her away to boarding school and lied about her death. Brocklehurst attempted to shame her into nonexistence. There was no attempt at colonization – the goal was extermination. Further, Willis’ contradicts her own position on Christianity by making it both the colonizer and the means by which she resists the alleged colonization by Rochester (248, 255). Conveniently, the supportive embodiments of Christianity – Burns and Temple – are disregarded in this conversation. Christianity, as presented by Brontë, is morally fluid; it is the behavior of those who claim it that produce effect. It is in the Christianity of Brocklehurst that Brontë offers oppression, Burns and Temple, redemption, Diana and Mary Rivers, compassion, St. John Rivers, self-promoting servitude. Each uses the platform in their own way and means. The righteousness or lack thereof is outside of the scope of this particular discussion, except to determine that as the more appropriate discussion of Christianity’s placement in Brontë’s work – not its function as colonizer.  

The strongest case for colonization is made against Rochester. He alone of the Willis accused actually desires for Eyre to bend to his wants for his pleasure. But that is not the sole requirement for colonization. If ability and intention is not addressed, the purpose of colonization cannot be established. In the person of Rochester, Willis approaches him as a shallowly created character, nothing more than a white, second born son with a “tenuous,” “marginalized,” and “compromised masculinity” (249, 253, 252). To be sure, there are many a men who have fit that description who have attempted (and succeeded) colonization. In fact, a case could be made (although again, not in this paper), that is exactly the type of masculinity colonization requires. However, in the same way that Eyre’s history was disregarded in order to build a predetermined case, so too has Rochester’s. While not abused in the same sense as Eyre, Brontë ensured that Rochester’s less than supportive childhood was obvious. In the same way Willis expects the reader to look past the individual abuse laid on Eyre in favor of colonized, we are expected to ignore the individual challenges experienced by Rochester in support of his demonization as the colonizer. He was the second son to a father who had no desire to split his wealth. Rochester describes him as an “avaricious, grasping man” (Brontë 5352). About his marriage to Bertha Mason, Rochester recounts to Eyre concerning the probability of despair, “My father and my brother Rowland knew all this; but they thought only of the thirty thousand pounds, and joined in the plot against me” (Bronte 5377). Taking all things into account, could Rochester be a colonizer? I suppose if that was the answer I was looking for I could claw at it. But is it not more plausible that Edward Rochester was a broken-hearted man who was overlooked by a father he could never please, overshadowed by a brother he could never equal, married to a woman he could never hold, wanted by a society he could never honestly enter?  And does this not make him more akin to a damaged love interest in a romance novel than a colonizer in a statement work? In fact, Willis herself is forced to acknowledge (so that maybe the precarious nature of her argument is overlooked) that, “A closer look at the language Brontë uses to describe Rochester reveals this positioning as both colonizer and colonized” (250). While I must concede that this approach is at least intellectually honest, I do not agree that it does enough to sway the scales away from romantic love interest to patriarchal colonizer.  

“She is attempting to find a place in which she can both delight and be delighted in. This is not feminism; this is individualism. This is a beautifully written romance novel.”  

April Trepagnier

As stated, it is necessary to have a colonizer if there is to be a colonized. In my estimation, Rivers is the only character that comes close to that description. As he is never mentioned in Willis’ argument, nor does he come close to achieving his pursuit of Eyre, I feel confident in relegating him to little more than a handy plot progressor – an alternate love interest that gives our independent Miss Eyre a choice in her romantic story arch. This creates a difficulty for the feminist credentials attributed to Eyre; as there is no colonizer, Eyre cannot be the victim of attempted colonization. If there is no attempted colonization, what, then, is Eyre rebelling against to assert her personhood of the female gender? Where is, as bell hooks so eloquently defined, is Eyre’s involvement in the “movement to end sexism, sexist exploitation, and oppression” (viii)? At every turn – Gateshead Hall, Thornfield, Moor House – Eyre is not fighting for the equality of humanity without the influence of gender, she is not attempting to tear down the patriarchy, she is not raging at the advancement of colonization through forced religion. She is attempting to find a place in which she can both delight and be delighted in. This is not feminism; this is individualism. This is a beautifully written romance novel.  

I feel it necessary to return to my previous assertion that, as genre fiction, Jane Eyre is a lovely and substantial literary offering. Additionally, that Eyre has overcome frightening amounts of abuse and disdain with her will to be her authentic self without settling for less than she feels she deserves is remarkable, especially coming from a female author in 1847. That Eyre is not a protofeminist or Rochester a colonizer does not in any way dilute the powerful tale of perseverance, journey towards true self, and the desire for love and family against the backdrop of seemingly insurmountable challenges. I will also freely admit that it is my opinion that we are all allowed to interrupt literature in the way we feel appropriate. However, to assert that all women are feminist, and all men are patriarchal oppressors, creates the exact distraction that hooks combats:  

“I tend to hear all about the evil of feminism and the bad feminists: how ‘they’ hate men; how ‘they’ want to go against nature- and god; how ‘they’ are all lesbians; how ‘they’ are taking all the jobs and making the world hard for white men, who do not stand a chance” (vii).  

If the struggle to educate those who do not understand or have never been exposed to the ideology of patriarchal tyranny, class subjugation, or racial oppression is made more difficult because of (probably) well-meaning attempts to point it out even when maybe it is not there, then we would be more responsible as humans to put the betterment of humanity ahead of our individuality of interpretation. As with the fable of the little boy who cried wolf, the real danger that actually does exist will be unheeded, unrecognized, unthwarted due to the conditioning and desensitization that occurs – if everything is a wolf, then nothing is.  

As an aside before I close, here is one more interesting observation that again, while not in the scope of this paper, lends a bit of color to my disagreement. For an essay written to defend the decolonization and celebrate the feminism of one independent Miss Jane Eyre, that Willis consistently refers to Edward as “Rochester” and Eyre as “Jane” really takes the cake.  

Stress Management – Waking up from a 12 Hour Slumber

Being in control of your life
and having realistic expectations about
your day-to-day challenges
are the keys to stress management,
which is perhaps the most important ingredient
to living a happy, healthy and rewarding life.

~Marilu Henner

I just accomplished the rarely achieved and the utterly unexpected – I slept for nearly 12 hours. I walked in the door last night, kissed the family and laid down on the bed. That was it until coffee time. I felt pretty good and profusely thanked my dear husband who, with four children, had to have worked very hard to leave me uninterrupted. His response, “No worries baby, you must have really needed it.”

Needed it maybe, but probably not deserved. I have been really slack lately on listening to my body and managing my health. Stress is a natural occurrence in life. I do not find it evil or good. As far as I am concerned, stress is amoral. It just is. My ability to name it, handle it and work with it is where the opportunity lives.

It has been overly easy with the hustle and bustle of summer, the desire to perform professionally, the interest in moving my writing forward and the ever ball of excitement that is my home to throw up my hands and say, “well, it’s just not going to happen.” It is exceptionally simple to say, time, money, opportunity, resources are limited, therefore, I get a pass in paying attention to the habits and techniques that not only balance my stress but allow me to be an overall healthier person.

I hear an abundance of excuses, how about you? Now admittedly, some of our excuses are legitimate. The last thing I want is for you to think that I am coming from a standpoint that says you fail if you can’t figure it all out. I certainly am not. I could not, at this time, spend hours a day in the gym, hire a personal trainer or spring on my children a whole new dinner menu. I don’t expect most folks could.

But, I can stop talking about what I can’t do in this area and start focusing on what I can. Seems to me to be a far more positive, if not productive, means of confronting the challenge and communicating with myself.

Today, I encourage you to name that thing that you know would benefit you in some way – health, stress, finances – whatever. If you are anything like me, you have already considered all the “can’t” reasons. Try for a moment to find the baby steps. Redefine the win. Where are the small, doable “cans”? This morning, it has become clearly obvious to me that this is one thing I must do. I can’t think of many days where a 12 hour sleep cycle will support my schedule. And the husband, as gracious as he was, shouldn’t have to either. Racking the body and the mind until it collapses into a coma is not the smartest way to handle life – and we all know how much we love the smarter way!

Thanks for the coffee,

*Photo Credit to Denise Cross