The Verdict

August 8, 2011 by

It has been a great day. I felt pretty agitated when I wrote to you earlier. Well, maybe “agitated” is the wrong word. “Hyper” or “over stimulated” is probably better.

See, I want to be better. Ok, so I don’t like “better” either. It insinuates a substandard state. And frankly, I think I am an acceptable human being.  And I am tired of poor mouthing my sense of being to justify a journey to a different state. Damn, I feel the need to spare you this if you choose with another white rabbit.

Incidentally, my husband thinks the white rabbit should now be a mandatory writing style. He assured me that he didn’t mean he would skip MY thoughts to the white rabbit. Just when reading OTHER folks it would be helpful. Hmmm.

When I say there are things I want for me, I really don’t want those who share my current habits to feel like they are being judged – they are not. With very few exceptions (the over sexualization of children being THE BIG ONE) I am really okay with differences. We all have vices. You don’t want mine and I don’t want yours. Hell, most the time I don’t want mine and you don’t want yours. But it doesn’t mean we don’t want to be connected – vices and all.

But my brain is moving. My soul is tugging it so that it has little choice. Kinda dumb for me not to pay attention to that. Along the way, the nudges are supported by neat little events.

This morning I woke up to a request by Clint to engage and support TLW (The Loving Wife). She is kicking skin cancer’s ass. She isn’t afraid of showing you exactly what that looks like and her decisions that got her there. She is now educating folks on a different way. Notice I said educating – not belittling and negating. She emphasizes her healthy, active lifestyle. It is inspiring (“inspiring” is understanded, overused and contrite – it is soul stirring)

Awhile back I found Dinner: A Love Story. She is telling her story about getting her family to the table with great meals. Amazingly helpful.

Rocky likes vodka. We have that in common. She doesn’t ingest artificial anything – her mixes are all natural. Love this! I see a new way to be who I am, what I enjoy, while making different choices. Then she posts about 100 Days of Real Food. This chick is an all natural foodie…with kids…on a budget. Seriously? Is she in my brain?

So, my brain is working. I am feeling supported and affirmed. The day is good and I am thinking about the top 3. Think I have it worked out.

I get home and the kids wanna go for a walk to Grandma and Poppa’s house. Great idea. Hanging out at the their table I mention

Me: I think I am gonna quit smoking.
Pops: I saw that. I will quit with you.
Me: Really?
Pops: Yeah.
Me: Well, not today.
Pops: That’s good. I just bought a pack.
Me: Ok. Just let me know when you are finished.
Pops: That’ll be tomorrow.
Me: Ok. Tomorrow then.

At this point, Ma joins in (provided Pops doesn’t cheat like she insists he always does).

So, I am on the hook for tomorrow. Only thing is, I had already decided that the regular gym visits would be the top 3 victor. And I said only one thing at a time. But, seriously, how do you pass up an opportunity like that?

So, I promised a verdict and here it is. I am going against my better judgement because, quite frankly, sometimes my better judgement sucks. I am gonna tackle all three.

The original plan was start going to the gym, use sunscreen on whatever my next day in the sun was, and quit smoking when the effort at the gym was hindered by it. Well, that’s scraped.

So, my sneakers are ready, my plan is set. If it goes great – wonderful. If I hit some bumps in the road, meh, I won’t be the first.

Not starting on the foodie thing just yet – but it is on the radar.

Who knows. At least it will be interesting 🙂

Filed Under: Health and Wellness Tagged With: , ,

In My Own Skin

August 8, 2011 by

Sometimes I write just to know what I think. I put what I think in public places because I believe my friends are the coolest people on the planet and hearing what they think about what I think totally enhances the original think. Yeah – I know you got all that.

***Remember those books where you could make a choice and the next page you turned to depended on that choice? Well, I am giving you that option here. To follow my bananas train of thought, read straight through. To get straight to the end result, scroll down to the white rabbit.

I like video games, cigarettes, a great drink, jalapeno Cheetos, a stunning tan, my tattoos, cold beer, cable tv, hot showers, expensive makeup, hair dye, caffeine, red meat and a whole host of other indulgences that probably do not allow me to function at my peak.

I like the idea of growing a garden, more organic ingredients, being smoke free, a regular gym experience, sunscreen, meditation, a more natural existence, less technology, slower pace, fuller participation in the now and a whole host of other indulgences that would boost the general functioning of my being.

I hate talking about this kind of shit because it drives me crazy when the inevitable few see their one cause in my whole list of stuff, they decided to fashion a quick club and beat me over the head with it. Seriously? Like we don’t all know the amazing dangers of texting while driving and that jumping off a tall building can maim you pretty good or eating nothing but chocolate cake will probably create a waistline issue.

I love information. I detest information in a vacuum. I love interaction and support. I detest when one person’s armor chink serves as ammo for a full on assault by those who have fashioned this area up fairly well while ignoring the gaping the holes they have elsewhere.

I am a whole person. I have ideas in one area that are not practical due to other areas. I have needs in some areas that are exhaustive because of desires in others.

In my skin, I am not a checklist. I am a holistic being with more facets than I even know about. And light from one may create a shadow on the other. And just because our shadows are different doesn’t make us less than the other.

Am I thinking about quitting smoking? Sure I am. Would love to put that out there? Sure I would – most eyes that hit this page will be amazingly supportive. Do I need 12 comments about lung cancer, the health of my children, the cost of the dirty habit, the damn ice caps melting, the polar bears dying, the aliens who refuse to come to this planet and give us the secret to life because I lit up a Marlboro – um no. Does the fear of failure scare me to death? Sure it does. Does that make any attempt of self improvement harder? you bet.  Do I love hugs and loving ass kicks? I sure do. Am I looking forward to the OMG, SMH, tisk tisk, UGH responses that follow a failed attempt at working towards an idea that serves as another’s sacared moo cow? No.

I have it in my head that I want to live a certain way. I don’t know exactly what that way is, but I know how it feels.

Now that the kids are back in school, there is a bit more flexibility in my day. I can only tackle one thing right now. Emotionally, financially, mentally, physically – one thing is my limit.

I am giving myself 24 hours (well actually maybe only 12 or 18) to choose. Your thoughts would be beautiful (as long as you didn’t skip straight to the white rabbit).

– YMCA Schedule

– Give up the smokes

– Sunscreen

And that America, is your top three. They have made it through the elimination process of, can’t, won’t, are you freaking kidding me.

This whole process was supposed to be centering and clarifying – maybe that comes later?

Awesome White Bunny courtesy of Matti Mattila

Filed Under: Chrysalis Tagged With:

Sometimes You Just Gotta Put It Out There

August 5, 2011 by

So it has been a week. And when I say that, I do not mean it has been amazingly wonderful or graphically horrible. I take either one better than I can handle both – which is pretty much what this week has been. Kingda Ka ain’t got nothing on my week.

There was wonderful family time and a tragic death of a beautiful woman. My grandma called to tell me I was “spectacular” after reading my article in the local newspaper. Someone else thinks I suck for the same article. There were professional wins and losses. I had an exhaustive day getting the kids ready for school then got the four out the door the following morning – the oldest a high school freshman, the baby beginning pre-k. I am feeling a bit emotional.

I am searching deep for my inner snark, who is usually always available and on call. Smart assed humor always helps to calm the fear of releasing my inner cheese and writing the next reject show for Lifetime.

Not really feeling it. So instead, I have decided to pare down the number of Follow Fridays today, embrace the cheddar, and hope somebody has a big box of Ritz.

You make me want to be better

@PhxREguy: When I got out of the Navy and started my real estate career, I was no fish and couldn’t spell pond. It was absolute hell trying to figure out my way, my style, my money after the startling realization that real estate does not have auto payday on the 1st and the 15th with additional benefits for sick kids.

I started blogging because writing was the one thing I could do myself without having to pay anybody. Blogging wasn’t huge yet, but it was well on its way – there were already some emerging cool kids.

Jay and I, through ways I can’t remember now, crossed paths. For whatever reason, he invited me under his wing, into his circle and offered what he knew. I had nothing to offer and still cannot repay the kindness. But he is still offering that support and friendship nearly 6 years later. That kind of heart makes me want to be a better person.

@headmutha: I have never had any problem telling the world just how I feel about the Turner family. But my fascination with Rocky has always felt stalkerish. Don’t look at me like that – if you don’t know at least one real person who makes you goofy star struck, you need cooler people to know.

I realized that I feel that way because I always focus on the cool stuff Rocky does – not the person I think she is. I feel like I know her – I realize I might be all wrong and wish I knew her better. But, I am pretty good at this kind of thing (makes up for the fact that I can’t sing), so I am just gonna put it out there.

Rocky makes it easier for me to be comfortable with the crazy, twisted, wonderful scary thing that is my own skin. She seems eclectic, smart, beautiful, confident and strong. That by itself would be intimidating as hell – it’s like an airbrushed super model. And there are few things about airbrushed I can relate to.

But airbrushed she is not. She has shown herself to have fears, hurts, and questions just like, well, me. And she has demonstrated that fear, overwhelming moments, and general real life stuff is not what defines her – it is how she reacts to those things that are important.

In this display I find a renewed understanding in the idea that I am not flawed or broken – I am beautifully woman. I get back to wanting to be a better person.

@TheRealClint: I wish I could tell you that I know Clint and his family. I wish I could tell you that we connected and have communicated online for years and I am proud to now introduce you to him. I wish I could tell you all the quirky things about him that real friends know. I don’t, we haven’t, and I can’t.

Clint is currently kicking cancer’s ass. Through this epic display of strength and family unity, Clint’s friends have rallied around him. We have some of the same friends and the battle cry could not go unnoticed. What I found was inspiring.

Clint is a real guy, with a real wife, with real children with a real life or death situation. I can’t even begin to imagine. And what you will find about Clint is he is a positive, strong individual – but he ain’t no show off. He hurts and, while he doesn’t wallow, he appreciates the support. He is proud, but no so prideful that he doesn’t know when to reach out. He is strong, but he is quick to give credit to his wife, children and friends for shoring him up . He is challenged, but he refuses to be overrun.

I watch this example from a distance. I watch as instead of focusing on himself, he is quick to return that support to others that need it. I watch as he takes a completely suck situation and turns it into something that is enriching the lives of so many. I watch as what would shatter many has emboldened and solidified. Who am I when I whine about the chores, the job or the weather? I watch the love displayed from and around Clint and I want to be a better person.

I appreciate the three of you very much. Just felt like there was no better time than now to tell you. Hope everyone else will excuse the sap. I won’t apologize for it, but I understand it ain’t always comfortable. I promise I will return to the regularly scheduled program in a bit.

Filed Under: Paraphernalia Tagged With: , , ,

Twitter + RSS = Awesome #FF

July 8, 2011 by

It has been a crazy week. In fact, I just noticed that outside of Turn Around Tuesday, this Follow Friday article is the only thing I have written. I was really shook when I realized I didn’t have any new, meaningful interactions on the interwebs – mostly because I haven’t been there.

But, I have been keeping up with my RSS feed (mostly – three days back is acceptable, I think). So for this #FF, I offer you

Tweeters Who Rock Awesome Blogs

And please, before we go any further…Yes, it finally donned on me to screenshot versus taking the picture with my phone. Yes, I should have thought of sooner. Yes, I feel rather sheepish about it. But alas, you didn’t mention it either.

@TheBloggess – This beautiful slice of funny was discovered on a day I just needed a laugh. Glad Doggett, my personal joyologist, was there in a jiffy – with a Big. Metal. Chicken. Yes a big metal chicken. I can’t remember the last time I laughed that hard but I have laughed like that again since. Who writes this kind of stuff for an anniversary?

I’m pretty sure Victor and I just had a fight that he wasn’t even awake for. Which is a little disrespectful, in my opinion.   But fine. I forgive you, Victor. Because your bizarre (probable) feelings about octopuses and anuses are worth my patience and understanding. I love you even when you’re being ridiculous and purposely contrary.  Please try harder tomorrow when you’re awake.

@billdawers – A Savannahian must. Bill is a super smart guy with a wealth of Savannah insight. He does an amazing job aggregating some really great information and putting it into a usable, applicable and interesting  format. Interestingly enough, I don’t know Bill “IRL” which is odd…but his RSS is jam up!

@DinnerLoveStory – Encouraging families everywhere to bring dinner back to the table – at least most of the time. Jennifer and Andy accomplish the best balance of “hey, you know this is a good idea” with “yeah, it’s work – we will help make it easier and not beat you over the head with your shortcoming.” Beautiful. Awesome dinner ideas and fun ways to get the family involved in the joys of great food.

You can assume I know how busy you are and how many other things are ahead of “thaw chicken for dinner” on today’s to-do list. I will never fault you for firing up a frozen pizza when you can’t bear to turn on the stove. I will never judge you for not coughing up the extra bucks for the organic broccoli. And I will never promise you that family dinner is something that can be figured out in five easy steps!

Caffeinated OC Mommy – Sing with me! One of these things is not like the other…one of these things just isn’t the same. Yeah, as far as I know, this SoCo maternal does not have a twitter account. I don’t care – she is the STUFF! Her well thought out advice for Mommies in the summer was PRICELESS! I so want to have coffee with her…but her identity is fairly elusive…

@adaddyblog – Since I had a mommy blog, I wanted to make sure the daddies got their equal time. Not entirely true. This guy had me at the Disney Princess thing. YES!! I am not alone!! This blogging poppa ain’t even afraid to talk about stretch marks. A great read, goodhearted look at the other side of parenting.

@agentgenius – One of the smartest group of real estate minded people on the web. They amaze me on a regular basis with their depth and breadth of information. Techno gadgetry, commercial real estate, housing trends, legislative issues, hot button topics, market ideas – you name it, they got it. Oh, and the head chica is a hottie 😉

Go fill your reader, tell ’em April sent ya, and feel free to add your favorites below 🙂

 

Filed Under: Paraphernalia Tagged With: , , , ,

Back to the Coffee Shop – Maybe…

June 17, 2011 by

In 2007, I wrote this Blog Post ~ Going into the Coffee Shop for Hillary Clinton. You can read the thing in its entirety if you would like – we will wait. However, for convenience, here is the part of that post that I would like to revisit here for today.

When I first started blogging, I understood the difficulties in “in the box” communication. With online talks and discussions you have a few characteristics that make some conversation difficult different.

There is no body language, no tone of voice, no real-time response. A person can read one post and not get the whole story or know me as a person and get the wrong idea. The ability to be anonymous emboldens some folks to say things they wouldn’t normally say.

So, in the beginning, I decided that there were two kinds of topics – blog topics and coffee shop topics. Some topics were fairly safe to talk about on the web while still being interesting. Others could be too easily misconstrued and would therefore be held for times when I could get together with a real person, face to face.

However, I have since realized that there is a wealth of opinionated and knowledgeable ideas out there with folks I know and trust. So, it is time to go into the coffee shop.

I will be honest, I am treading these waters very carefully. This is meant for great discussion. I may have a little or a lot to say. We will have to see.

The fact that I am a conservative should not be a surprise to anyone – but if you didn’t know, I am outing myself now. I haven’t picked my nominee yet because I like a few of them for different reasons. Immigration policy, Iraqi plans, tax reform, sanctity of life…those kinds of reasons.

I am considering reopening the coffee shop. The rant on Twitter with Russell Crowe made me want to scream. And then I just wanted to talk about it. You see, to see, he seems illogical and asinine – but what if I am wrong? Ok, so I really don’t think I am wrong on that one (he was an ass) – however, I am certain there are situations where I am. And, if not wrong, at least would benefit from understanding better the viewpoint with which I do not agree. I do not strive to argue or debate (sometimes) however, I would like to know that my thoughts are diverse and I have listen to those who think differently than I. And I would like to know that I have done my part in ensuring that my voice is also among the counted…not just Russell Crowe.

There is an election coming up, our fighting men and women are in harm’s way, our economy remains fragile, our children remain undereducated, and the 24 hour news cycle ensures all of it and more remains whipped up in a speculative frenzy so that advertisers continue to spend money with them.

That’s the thing I like about a coffee shop…we can just talk.

Just thought I would take a minute and get your two cents…

**Photo Credit to Ruben Alexander

Filed Under: Current Events Tagged With: , ,

Yeah, We Got It – You Can Get Belligerent : #trust30 Challenge

June 12, 2011 by

This is the Day 10 Prompt of the #Trust30 challenge.

Day 10 Challenge | Eric Handler | Your Personal Message

To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all men, that is genius. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

What is burning deep inside of you? If you could spread your personal message RIGHT NOW to 1 million people, what would you say?

I understand that being a media junkie can have a negative effect on one’s personal outlook. Oh well – I will just have to remain vigilant. I am an information junkie. I am always on the lookout for a new story, a new view, a new blog, new method, whatever – well, at least new to me.

Living with immediate access to internet and a 24 hour news cycle, this is an easy monkey to feed. But the personal outlook assault is a very real danger. I am not going to name drop those who I feel to be the first offenders – you already know who they are. They never show up to promote anything. But man, they are always looking to tear something down – bashing, fighting, condescending, insulting, slandering, disrespecting, offending. Never mind that they do more to fuel separation, constrain ideas and stunt progress – they just continue to rip away. Nice – that works, we should keep doing that (sarcasm intentional).

I will be the first to admit that there are things that I don’t like I have no problem naming them – The sexualization of today’s children (namely girls) being on top of the list. Ask most people who know me if I can be a snarky smart…well you know…and they will laugh and say, “duh!” I am opinionated and passionate. I believe in a right and a wrong and understand that the gray has to be muddled through. I understand that injustices must be named in order to be righted.

I get it – you can be belligerent. But can you be benevolent?

It makes me nervous when I realize I am dealing with a person about whom I am not sure of the answer. I tend to disassociate when I realize the answer is “no.”

Now, I will name drop. The wrongs of the world are a fact of life. Wasting time and energy raging against their existence is futile – not to mention soul sucking. These folks know that things can be better. They have decided to spend time and energy doing that. The wrongs of the world stir the belligerent in their soul. The goodness of their hearts harnesses that energy into positive creation. And isn’t that the highest and best use of our energy – not to mention soul filling?

Mothers Fighting for Others – Yes, I will mention them as often as I can. This group of fighters saw the injustice. They chose to focus on creating an environment of love, support and empowerment.  Can we rage against the injustice that brought these children to this place? Sure. But what about these children? They need light now – and that’s what MFFO provides. A light, a love, a hope.

What I want for them is simple. I want them to feel loved. I want them to feel safe and secure. I want them to go to school and grow up to be great women. What I want for them is what their Mothers would have wanted. That is it. It’s that simple.

Creative Coast – Those who don’t know Savannah wouldn’t believe half of it if we told you. Like any family, we have our issues – we are working on that. Creative Coast has done amazing things in feeding the diversity and beauty of our beautiful city. The mission statement reads:

To nurture the members of the Savannah community engaged in creative or innovative endeavors and to cultivate an environment in which they can thrive.

Nurture, cultivate, thrive – seriously? How can that NOT be exponentially more effective that continually attempting to condescend and destroy?

Dinner: A Love Story – I love to cook. I have a big family, a big job and little unscheduled time. Some days, getting dinner on the table from something other than a bag or a box might as well be as challenging as milking the cow, churning the butter, killing the chicken and picking the vegetables. But I want to. Lots of us want to.

Meet Jenny Rosenstrach. This chick gets it

DALS is a website devoted (mostly) to helping parents figure out how to get family dinner on the table. You can assume I know how busy you are and how many other things are ahead of “thaw chicken for dinner” on today’s to-do list. I will never fault you for firing up a frozen pizza when you can’t bear to turn on the stove. I will never judge you for not coughing up the extra bucks for the organic broccoli. And I will never promise you that family dinner is something that can be figured out in five easy steps!

Yeah, she could belittle parents like me as parasites attempting to kill the children we secretly loathe. Curse us working moms who put career ahead of family. That would mostly certainly encourage me to listen to anything she has to say, right! Yeah, right after I daydreamed about punching her in neck, I would go find some other cooking momma to appreciate.

TED – Hands down, this group is the best example of building up instead of tearing down. Will TED call out wrongs? You bet they will. Do all the TED folks agree with each other? Nope. Do I agree with every TED idea? Haha – for certain not. But agreement is not necessary for meaningful discussion of ideas. Sharing a value of mutual respect is. And these folks have that crafted to an art. From the website and repeated on their facebook page:

TED believes passionately in the power of ideas to change attitudes, lives and ultimately, the world. So TED is building a clearinghouse of knowledge and inspiration from the world’s most inspired thinkers, and also a community of curious souls to engage with ideas and each other.

Want to get belligerent – fantastic. Can’t wait to hear how that works out for you.

Want to do the really work of benevolence – fantastic. There is certain to be some effectual influence you are going to be proud of.

**Photo credit by Nancy McClure

Filed Under: Writing Tagged With: , ,

Mother’s Fighting for Others : #trust30 Challenge

June 5, 2011 by

Day 5 Challenge | Chris Guillebeau | Travel

If we live truly, we shall see truly. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Not everyone wants to travel the world, but most people can identify at least one place in the world they’d like to visit before they die. Where is that place for you, and what will you do to make sure you get there?

Here is the background, in case there are things about me you don’t know

  • I do not believe in coincidences
  • Children are my passion
  • I will do what I can with what I have – even if it doesn’t feel like enough
  • “Go big or go home” seems like an understatement to me

The prompting for me to tell the following story seems to be coming up with increasing regularity over the past 2 months. Where that is heading, I don’t know. But, the purpose is strong and good – so allow me to tell it again.

I had the amazing fortune of meeting Jeff Turner some years ago. First online, then at a conference. I would hope that he would agree that the relationship is a good one. I admire Jeff and find his brain quirky  fascinating.

Between my family and Jeff’s, there are 10 children. That gives two people a good bit to talk about. Jeff began to tell me about his wife, Rocky. I was instantly intrigued. This beautifully strong woman has a purpose on this planet and it resonated in my heart.

As if wifing one man and mothering six children weren’t enough, Rocky decided no child should be left to fend for themselves, motherless. After a volunteer trip to Kenya, Rocky envisioned Mother’s Fighting for Others.

The mission statement is direct

Mothers Fighting For Others provides orphaned girls with a loving and nurturing environment and a quality education, so they can learn, thrive and achieve their highest potential.

And this thought from Rocky brings tears to my eyes every time

What I want for them is simple. I want them to feel loved. I want them to feel safe and secure. I want them to go to school and grow up to be great women. What I want for them is what their Mothers would have wanted. That is it. It’s that simple.

It is impossible for me to give Rocky all the support she needs, but I know I can do something – even if it is just a small thing. I can tell you. I don’t know if this mission resonates with you. But I do know, if it does, no thing you do in support of it is too small. A prayer, a donation, telling others, encouragement, support – there are lots of things we can do even when we feel like we can do nothing.

It is my goal to travel to meet Rocky’s girls and introduce them to my girls. As a sister and as a mother of sisters, that bond is amazing. I hope to give that type of support to Rocky, help her Mother her girls, teach my children the beauty of relationship outside the normal ideals, that we are all family.

I am also hopeful that I have reached one person – or 20! – that has been moved to do that one thing, whatever that one thing may be. No one person can do all things – but each can do something.

This is the Day 5 Prompt of the #Trust30 challenge

Filed Under: Current Events Tagged With: , , , ,

One Strong Belief (Writing Prompt)

June 2, 2011 by

Day 3 Challenge | Buster Benson | One Strong Belief

It is easy in the world to live after the world’s opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude. – Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self-Reliance

The world is powered by passionate people, powerful ideas, and fearless action. What’s one strong belief you possess that isn’t shared by your closest friends or family? What inspires this belief, and what have you done to actively live it?

The hardest part about this beginning is the caveat “that isn’t shared…”

Because my strong belief is that their shared value is irrelevant. I mean, it’s nice to have those who agree and support. But that cannot be the defining reason for holding (or not holding) a belief.

Beliefs, by nature are amazingly personal things. They cannot be dictated or forced. They must be freely held and without coercion. If conformity or rebellion is a factor – it is no longer a belief but a statement.

I believe in

  • children
  • Cheetos
  • children with Cheetos
  • God
  • social liberalism
  • political and fiscal conservatism
  • pool days
  • The Constitution
  • The Cat in the Hat
  • my purposefulness
  • your purposefulness
  • naps in the sun
  • coffee
  • life
  • choices
  • consequences
  • words
  • hugs

I believe that my list is incomplete. I believe it can be different tomorrow. I believe that I am a complex, simple, conflicted, in line, normally different dynamic woman. I believe I am ok with that. I believe I appreciate it if you are too – and ok if you aren’t. We all have our difference – I believe that too.

Filed Under: The Thinking Chair

15 Minutes to Live (Writing Prompt)

June 1, 2011 by

Day 1 Challenge | Gwen Bell | 15 Minutes to Live

We are afraid of truth, afraid of fortune, afraid of death, and afraid of each other. Our age yields no great and perfect persons. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

You just discovered you have fifteen minutes to live.

1. Set a timer for fifteen minutes.
2. Write the story that has to be written.

I am a happier person than I often allow myself to be. I am grateful that it is, in all probably, not my last 15 minutes on earth. Because it is not, I think it is a good idea to repeat that first sentence.

I am a happier person than I often allow myself to be.

I am a blessed woman. Handsome husband, four beautiful children, mom, pops, sisters, family, comfortable home, great pets, awesome job, productive hobbies. Seriously, where is the despair in that?

Honestly, despair is, among other things, chemical and relative. I believe I am cognitive enough to handle the chemical. It’s the relative that I need to be more mindful of.

Because this is not my last 15 minutes, the story here is pregnant with possibility. However, there is no story, no pregnant, no possibility, without full focus in the now.

The thought attempting to take shape in my mind is, so often we focus on getting “to there” where ever “there” is. In that task, we forget how to live here, in the now. The rub of that is, once we get to “there” we won’t know how to live in that either.

So doesn’t it make sense to live in the now, focus here. Enjoy the things we have created while still continuing to build the dream. Then “there” will always be “here” and we have found the way to consistently live in our integrity and purpose.

Hmmmm…story needs some work. I hope you followed at least some of it. It worked for me on this day…and sometimes that just has to be enough.

Filed Under: The Thinking Chair

New Year’s is Overrated!

May 9, 2011 by

<<<This is what I woke up to this morning. But I am not an idiot. I knew this was happening. I have ignored it for quite sometime. But during my morning meditation (which is really prayer time, but I understand this practice is different for everyone), I knew that I had to confront it. And everything that went with it. And I knew I had to pull back the curtains as well.

Curtain pulling is important. I have been watching the confessions on Scary Mommy and it is easy to see the biggest problems are not the actual things confessed, but the feeling of isolation and aloneness. So many folks feel like their demons are special only to them and they are a failure in some way. The truth is, we all have them. Fear prevents us from naming them, refusing to name hinders support, lack of support hinders the battle, lack luster battle hinders victory. To me this says that we have to take out fear first. I am not afraid.

I am particular about my physical appearance. I make no excuses or apologies for that. I accept no judgement for it either. It is the way I am wired and I appreciate the barometer that it provides for other aspects of my life (we will get to that in a moment). Therefore, as it is beneficial to me and it is not a quality I require in others, I own it and value it.

I have gained 15 pounds in 6 months. For my height, this puts me on the outer limits of “normal” on the BMI scale. Not that I have ever put a whole lot of stock in “normal” but in this instance, the value refers to scientific guidelines on “healthy.” In that regards, “normal” is pretty important.

Understand, I am not a person that believes there is a certain dream weight or size that we should all strive to attain. There isn’t. I have been a gym rat size 2 in my late 20’s. The husband didn’t like it and good thing – the regime was so strict, I would have never been able to maintain it. Interestingly enough, I have come to the conclusion that if it is that hard, maybe it’s not my right fit. Don’t get me wrong – I appreciate hard work and dedication to the science of healthy – it just shouldn’t be a near impossible feat.

I am a person that believes that most things are consequences and symptoms – not necessarily the main issue. My weight gain is not the issue – it is the barometer speaking to the issues.

Since my bout with postpartum depression after the birth of my second child, mania and manic have been my demons to contend with. I am fortunate. They have been named, there is support and the battles – so far – have always resulted in my victory.

Since forever I have feared failure. In my family, in my social circles, in my professional life – this fear can be paralyzing. But it is named, there is support, and there is victory.

There are obviously other nuances in my self talk that create issues, but I think you get the point. I do not find glory in brokenness. There are no kudos for having the most demons. I do not believe that one person’s accomplishments are more heroic simply because the adversity was more great. I do not believe that a person must be in a gutter for us to appreciate their ability to climb to the apex. So I will not wallow – I will simply provide example so that you will be assured – you are not alone.

While I am fortunate to have victories, many demons take many victories to be completely conquered. And those battles can be exhausting. It is easy for one to become lazy and complacent. It is easy for one to justify lazy and complacent in the light of “don’t I deserve a break?” Of course I deserve a break…but breaks are uplifting and supportive. Lazy and complacent is sabotaging and enslaving. Obviously not the same thing. I have obviously allowed myself to slip into the latter.

Forget New Years…time to engage in this battle today…

 

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