Thanksgiving is a Verb

November 20, 2007 by

Thanksgiving, after all, is a word of action.
– W.J. Cameron, (1878 – 1955)

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
– George Bernard Shaw, (1856 – 1950)

You get a “Thanksgiving Two-fer” in the quote department (but GBS get the honored photo spot all by himself). Why? Because I couldn’t decide between meaningful and funny. Then I realized it was in fact my newsletter and I didn’t have to decide – you all would probably appreciate both.

I, like many others, have been incredibly busy lately. We knew this 2-3 day work week was coming…then the cooking…then the shopping…then the decorating…then everything else that comes with time of year. Makes me wonder about the madness of the holiday’s.

And therein lies the problem – we see the madness and forget the purpose.

Today I want to encourage you to be kind to yourself. The people who are thankful for you – and I am sure there are quite a few – do not feel that way because of your cooking skills, party planning ability, or dessert choices. They are thankful for you! Stress will only cause you to miss out on all the wonderful opportunities to enjoy each other as friends and family gather to remember how truly blessed we each are.

In other words – if you realize the smoke billowing out of the kitchen is in fact your prized turkey, don’t let your day be ruined. Grab a video camera, take some real funny shots, mail it to that video reality show and try to make a couple of bucks. Life is too short to let a crispy bird upstage your holiday time.

Filed Under: Turn Around Tuesday Tagged With: , ,

The Village doesn’t get my kids until it becomes way less fishy

September 17, 2007 by

Topic of parenting came up.  Surprise, I know.  But, the topic was “Make a Difference.”  Really, what did you think I would write about?

Rosa Say, whom I adore, says there is greatness in “it take a village.”  Rosa is right.  Except, when the village is corrupt, you have to know when to tell the village to get out of your house.

Now understand I am not going to claim some moral high ground about what I do and don’t allow in my house.  I like the Sopranos.  I watch it – after the kids go to bed.  Understand I am not telling you how to raise your kids.  I am telling you that I have four daughters – if you think that’s a walk in the park, I invite you to the beauty of my chaos.

Times have changed.  Yes they have.  I love hearing people say that things really aren’t that different from when we were growing up. Are you kidding?  Lohan, Spears, and Hilton make it different.  Why? Because they are not the exception, they are the norm.  Madonna was a shocker.  Girls wanted to be like her because it was rebellious.

Today this is not rebellion – it is not being different or expressing yourself.  Girls understanding their place as sexual beings is the way it is supposed to be.  The media no longer objectifies them – we have come so far that we have taught our children to objectify themselves!  It has become so common that we don’t even notice it when it happens.

Example: Lead actress from High School Musical  decides she’s going to take some bra and panty pictures and send them via email (huh?) to her boyfriend.  They become public (shock!).  Now, I understand she wasn’t naked, is of legal age, and few people outside of the HSM demographic know who she is.  That makes it ok, right? Wrong!  The persona that she portrays is that of a high school girl.  The HSM soundtrack was the number one selling album last year.  Your preteen daughters can dress up like her for Halloween, theme their birthday party, and probably recite the words from the movie.  She was set up in the public as the girl that all other girls should want to be like.

Example:  Music CD’s marketed for children.  These albums take popular songs and have kids singing them.  This makes them kid friendly right?  Wrong!  Just because kids are singing Girlfriend, Irreplaceable, and Lips of an Angel does not make the lyrics any different. They are still the types of songs I can only listen to when my kids aren’t in the car.

Example: Little Mermaid.  This fish has been banned from my home and my kids know it.  Why?  Let me break down the story for you.  Little fish Ariel is turning 16 – that’s right 16.  On the dawn of her birthday party she flounces off to a place her father has forbidden her to go.  During the course of things, she sees this guy (sees not meets) that is obviously not 16.  She falls madly in love (remember being 16).  But, she’s a mermaid and this guy lives on the land.  No problem, evil squid offers to give her legs if Ariel will give up her beautiful singing voice.  It’s a good trade according to the evil squid – Ariel can use her “body language” and if the guy kisses her within three days, she can have her voice back.  So, little fish runs away from home after giving up all her talents to chase after some older guy she has never even met.  The body language thing works, he kisses her, they get married and everybody is okay with this.  Are you kidding me?

Could I go on?  You bet.  Little girls who are dying to own pants with “sweetness” written across the bottom.  Clapped for when they nail they latest dance moves that look a whole lot like pole dancing.  Giggled at when they cop some attitude and use very grown up phrases to disrespect their parent’s friends.  Allowed to use terms like “boyfriend” and “dating” before they even hit middle school.  You bet I could go on.

I love the “it takes a village” in theory.  The accountability, the diversity, the help is wonderful.  But the village has traded it’s one idiot for a marketful and many of us have become so complacent and the methods so common, we don’t even notice it.

I don’t know what the answer is for the village.  Maybe you can offer some suggestions.  For the moment, all I can do attempt to keep it and its fish off my doorstep.

Filed Under: Family, Parenting

Now that you are another year older…

July 2, 2007 by

’twas my birthday on Saturday 🙂 And we all know how much I LOVE birthdays. This one was no different.  Husband strategically placed a wonderful card, lots of kisses from the girls, full inbox of well wishes, myspace was hopping, and mom made dinner. Did I mention I had to work? Even that went well. Birthdays seldom disappoint.

My birthday is like everybody else’s traditional New Year’s.  I spend some time reflecting on the past year and planning the next. I never make resolutions. I used to develop expectations. This year I exchanged them for intentions (look for that explanation later in the week).

What went great:

  • We welcomed Morgan into the world!
  • Then I got off the baby weight 😉
  • I got comfortable in my writing skin and developed my blogs and website.
  • I became more involved in my community, both business and personal.
  • I have made some great friends.
  • My career is taking off.
  • I learned to create goals and think in a different way.

What didn’t go so great:

  • WHO CARES?!?! It’s my birthday! This is a whole new year.  I am a busy woman with no time to dwell on past mistakes, hurts, or missteps. I am here in the now, excited about tomorrow and having the time of my life!

That’s what it is all about after all. Recognizing that all the “errors” in life are only fatal if we let them be, hurtful if we carry them around, painful if we repeat them, and failures if we refuse to learn from them.

Happy Birthday!!

Filed Under: Writing Tagged With:

Little Changes = Big Results

June 18, 2007 by

Do you know how often I hear, “What time did you _______?”
Insert into the blank

  • send that email
  • write a blog post
  • comment on a website
  • anything that has a timestamp.

Bunches.  Most people don’t notice the 3:30AM ish time – but when they do, they have questions.

Yes, I am typically up by 3 or 4 in the morning.  But I am typically asleep by 11PM.  I learned quite some time ago that I am super productive during the early morning hours.  I don’t require a whole lot of sleep.  If I sleep too much, my brain and body gets lazy.

The thing that interested me the most is that I wouldn’t get the same questions if I stayed up until 1 or 2 and was up at 6 or 7.

This difference in perception made me wonder – how many people lose out on big gains because they are stuck doing it the way they have always done it, or the way it “ought” to be done?

We often think we are not as productive, happy, energetic, accomplished as we could be because of outside influences – market, weather, circumstance.  But, what if it’s not any of those things.  What if it’s you?

  • Sounds crazy to get up at 3 – you might be missing your peak time.
  • Can’t imagine sleeping later and staying up till after midnight – that could be where your stride is.
  • Do you need to start a little earlier and stay a little later so you have extra time a lunch to relax – or even sleep?
  • Maybe when you take a shower, eat breakfast, or any part of routine is out of whack.
  • Do you read enough?
  • Do you listen enough?
  • Do you sleep enough?
  • Do you eat enough?

Take a look at the way you run your day.  Is it all that it could be?  Have you tried making it more effective in the past but could never seem to quite make it work?  Think outside of the guided path – what little changes could make a big difference in your productivity?

Filed Under: Chrysalis Tagged With: , ,

Attitude Changes Reality

June 15, 2007 by

I read a great post today from Tony Gallegos. It was about one of my favorite topics – the Importance of having a great Attitude.

In 2004, I was in the Navy stationed aboard the USS John F. Kennedy (CV-67). We deployed for the Gulf in June. I left behind my husband, my children, my life.  The  ship spent the majority of its time in the Persian Gulf providing air support for the troops on the ground.

I will take this moment to digress and thank, from the bottom of my heart, all the servicemen and women and their families for their awesome service.

Every person who has ever been deployed has their stories about phone calls to home where spouses are worn thin, important dates are missed, holidays apart, and three year olds asking if you are ever coming home. In a situation such as this, as you can well imagine, it is easy to hate everything about life.

Nobody can live like that – much less be productive and perform the mission at hand.  This is what I learned.

You can either sit here and be angry and gain nothing positive from the situation, or you can sit here and take pride in your work, learn from the experience, and become a better person – either way, you’re still sitting here.

Different times call for different forms of resolve where our attitude is concerned. When the market is good, business is booming, we’re spending tons of time with our family, and there’s left over after the bills are paid, a good attitude is easy. When the chips are down, the hustle is harder, and stress is the diet of the day, it ain’t as easy – but this is time when it is most important.

Your reality – the place in space that you occupy- is molded and created almost completely by your attitude towards it. Try these.

  • Business is slow – perfect time to work on the marketing plan that is going to generate more business.
  • Money is tight – perfect time to review your budget and plan expenses.
  • Not enough clients to fill a work day – perfect time to take some of those continuing education courses that make you better qualified to serve them when the list fills up.

Like Tony, I am not advising you to put on “rose colored precious moments glasses and ignore the realities.” I’m just saying that a perceived negative reality doesn’t stand a chance against a healthy positive attitude.

Filed Under: Chrysalis Tagged With: ,

The Confessions of a (Relatively) Perfect Mom

June 15, 2007 by

I love being a mommy – it is truly one of my favorite things. My four daughters are a joy in my life and I wouldn’t trade them for a thing in the world. Ask them and they will tell you – I am the best mom in the world. In fact, I do consider myself the perfect mom.

***Begin playing sappy music***

McDonald’s is not a staple of our diet. We have family movie night. I am cautious of the movies they watch, clothes they wear, music they hear, and the friends they have.  We discuss values and citizenship. We see the dentist twice a year and the doctor for regular check ups. We discuss stranger safety. Chores are a must. School work is priority – even in the summer.

***Record playing sappy music scratches to a halt***

Let’s get real…I am a great mom, relatively.  While all the above statements are true, let me let you in on some more truths.

We rush in the morning to get to school on time. They probably watch too much TV.  The kitchen isn’t always clean. I don’t read to them for 30 minutes every night. Sometimes I just want to be left alone. They brush their teeth at least once a day, but definitely not after every meal. There is always laundry to be done. We don’t always eat together. I am ready for summer break to be over. Sometimes dinner comes out of a box. Their room is a mess and I am tired of fighting about it. I have made the mad dash to Wal-Mart to get supplies for a school project that is due the next day.

Why tell you all this? Because I believe I am not alone. I believe that there are a ton of mommies – probably most – out there who feel overwhelmed and under performed most of the time.  I believe that these moms (dads too?) carry around heavy guilt that makes the hardest job in the world even harder. I believe that we think we are the only ones dealing with these feelings and ask ourselves why we can’t have it “together” like the super mom who lives down the street (who, by the way, is probably thinking the same thing about you.)

I believe there are far too many of us asking ourselves, “What’s wrong with me?”

The answer – Nothing, except being human.

I believe our children deserve the very best we can give them. I don’t think that looks like perfection. I think it looks like unconditional love. Kids don’t care so much about “stuff” when they feel protected and cared for. Don’t believe me? Watch a kid’s face light up when they get the one present they wanted most.  Then watch his heartbreak when you won’t play with him. The toy means nothing without the love.

We spend so much time trying to be a perfect mom to the world and then feel like a failure when we can’t pull it off. Wouldn’t that time and energy be better spent on something you can do – like being the perfect mom to your kid?

Filed Under: Family, Parenting Tagged With: ,

An epiphany

June 1, 2007 by

I wanted to know how people got where they are. I wanted to know what paths people followed. Why they headed in a direction, how they knew what to do. I guess I should clarify that I am speaking professionally and as a person of the community. So, I called the person who I believe knows the most about this sort of thing (Hi Lisa!)

She’s busy as she always is. She makes time for me like she always does. We chat for a while. It takes me a minute to effectively relate what my question of the day is. Lisa is spot on when she tells me it is a test of time. Can you put one foot in front of the other continuously day after day? Good, effective, productive people have perseverance and staying power.

Gotcha – that part I knew, but it helped to hear her say it. My fear is that after much of that time has lapsed, will I look back and realize if I had only known about this sooner, I could have gotten started, begun to develop, initiated the process? Maybe, she says. Depends on what your goals are. What are your goals, April?

Damn…

Filed Under: Chrysalis

Am I just crazy…

May 23, 2007 by

…or is everybody else?  Sometimes I really don’t know. Is it a “silent majority” thing and I am the only loud mouth, or am I really in the minority? Are my opinions really that out in left field?

Feels like a rant is coming on and you, my dear friends, will have to excuse me while I try to stay on track.  This frustration is not one thing, but many things…this uniform thing is just the straw that broke the camel’s back.

The school system here is attempting to implement a uniform policy.  We had this when we lived in Chicago and it was fantastic. Mark and I both felt that if we had uniforms in school, we would have hated it, and our lives would have been much easier. However, some parents don’t feel this way and that’s okay. But, OMG (to use the cool, hip, text abbreviation) can we get over it already! Reading the newspaper, you would think Stalin was running the board and Hitler was poised to take over. I don’t get it. My kids have enough to deal with in their young lives with society being the way it is. Any attempt to remove some of those distractions while they are attempting to get an education is fine by me.

They say that the problem would be solved if the administration would just enforce the current dress code.  Are you kidding? Have any of you been shopping for school age girls lately? Now, I can’t speak to the boys, because I don’t have any, but girls I got and it is near impossible. What does my 5 year old or my 10 year old need with halter tops, short shorts, and platform shoes to round out the outfit? Sure, you can get them long pants and then contend with the provocative remarks the manufactures insist on pasting across the butt. That’s much better. You are basically limited to jeans, capris, and t-shirts (funny, sounds like a uniform policy). This is fine with me until I am getting the kids ready for school or shopping in the mall and I have to hear for the eleventy billionth time about what so and so’s mom will let them wear, buy, scout around town in.  No thank you. Get up, get breakfast, brush your teeth, and grab one of the approved uniforms that will be very much the same as anything else anybody else has on. Bypass the drama and get on to the job at hand – getting your education.

Speaking of the job at hand, a lot of jobs require a uniform, or, at the very least, a required manner of dress. Are they oppressive and limiting free expression of their employees?  Are we going to bash the boards of these companies for their abusive practices? No. We are probably working for them, collecting a paycheck, and happy for it.

I could go on. There are lots of things in the media that are absolutely driving me crazy – taxes, immigration, Iraq, and the list goes on.  But, I won’t. I will say this and be done. Don’t be a shallow thinker. Take opinions out to their logical conclusion. Pay attention to the society around you and compare it to what the media says society is. If you hear it on the news, don’t listen to what they say, figure out what they mean – it is all too often two different things.

Filed Under: Family, Parenting

My NewsBowl Champ!

May 17, 2007 by

The school year is almost over. We are participating in all the regular end of the year activities.  Today was the Awards Program for Madison.  I couldn’t have been more proud.

She received an award for the Honor Roll – we expected that. Her grades are usually pretty good. But we, and several other parents, got a real treat.

Madison participates in the gifted program at school. Every Friday, she and a few of her classmates go to their SEEK class and participate in various mind expanding activities. One of the programs they participate in is the News Bowl. This is a national program that looks to involve students in learning about current events.

Well, Madison’s team won 1st in the state and 6th in the Nation. Her group received the News Bowl certificate and another for the Principal’s achievement award.

Big congrats to the 4th grade SEEK!!  We love you, Bear!

 

Filed Under: Family, Parenting Tagged With:

Maybe I am wrong…

May 17, 2007 by

One of my dear girlfriends is a photographer. A very good photographer. Together with her husband, Diana Nash shoots some of the best pictures I have ever seen.

A couple of moths ago, she had a blog post about a new photo session called “dress trashing.”  Sometime after the wedding, after the dress has fulfilled its purpose, instead of shrink wrapping it and putting it somewhere in your closet for “sentimental value,” Diana asks you to put it back on. Then, she takes pictures.  These are not your clean pictures. These are your laying in a pile of leaves, climbing up a tree, wading in the water at the beach pictures.

Well, as you can imagine, if you know me at all, I LOVE the idea and the pictures were fantastic! Very sexy and artistic – and what woman doesn’t want to be photographed as sexy and artist? I have mentioned it a few times to a few people and I have been surprised. The response is about 50/50. While some feel the way I do, I was surprised at the number of people who just thought it was a bad idea. It seems that some still hold on to the idea that their daughter will want to, in twenty, thirty years, unshrink wrap the dress and wear it in their own wedding. While I guess that is a possibility, it seems uncommon. Most brides insist on a new dress that they pick out.

I dunno – I thought the whole dress trashing bit was a phenom of an idea. Of course, I must admit, I have never actually owned or had on a wedding dress. But, I can’t help but think that the dress in the leaves did that girl a whole lot better than the shrink wrap.

But, I guess I could be wrong…

Filed Under: The Thinking Chair