Effective Goal Setting for The Many

June 15, 2016 by

Alrighty Rockstars. We are talking about goal setting. Why? Because it’s what’s on deck in the book. Will the writing always be led by the book? Well, let’s see if that’s one of the goals! (Hint: If you know me at all, you probably already know the answer to this one)

Every single leadership, professional development, personal life management, everything ever since everything has emphasized goal setting.  Evidently, my new little book is no different. So, I consider this sage art. Again. With good intentions. Again.

Amy says decide what you want and then write them down. In fact, most every version of effective goal setting I have ever seen begins with some version of determine and scrawl.

And that’s where my train jumps the fucking tracks. Before I even get out of the crazy train station,

If we are friends in real life, on Facebook, or have had even a cursory encounter with me, you are probably aware of “The Many.” If you are not familiar, here’s a great recap.

Now often I have wished for a clone – more hours in the day, more hands, help with all the various things I am responsible for…The Many is not that. The Many are a bat shit crazy cornicopia of chicks living in my headspace. I have never been on a subway but I have been backstage at a strip club, lived in military quarters, and spend a good deal of time in beauty salons. I imagine if these locations mated together and had a baby, that’s what The Many would look like.

So take the folks from the subway, strip club, Navy, and the beauty salon into a confined space. Pass around the refreshments and encourage them to make a cohesive set of goals. Go ahead and do it. I’ll wait.

See my dilemma?

When I sit down to do any type of goal planning it always ends up the same…

I want all the things. All. Of. Them.

Even the things I don’t want, I want. I do not want to skydive. That shit totally freaks me out. But, I want to WANT to skydive. It’s fucking insanity.

I want:

  • attention while being a person who doesn’t want attention
  • to be a person who works 80 hours a week while having all the time in the world to do 100 other things
  • to party like a rockstar until 0400 and be up for the 0600 workout looking like Paige Hathaway
  • to push publish on every single thing I write and not be completely freaked the fuck out about how much you know about me
  • to eat donuts, pad thai, BBQ, pasta, and all the cheeses, while drinking copious amounts of not light beer while maintaining 14% body fat and “I hate her” abs
  • a closet full of clothes that make me feel awesome without ever having to shop again
  • to attend 0800 Mass on Sunday while lounging around on lazy Sundays until noon
  • to speak my mind with confidence
  • to run the Keys 100
  • to be the Mother of Dragons
  • put together a novel plot line that doesn’t make me feel like I’m a complete poser
  • to live life on a regular basis not feeling like a poser
  • to win the lotto without ever spending money on the lotto

At this point the whiteboard in the room is currently being wielded by one of The Many in a wide, erratic circle daring a bitch to come at her. Tables have been flipped, flasks have been pulled, and some are hiding in the broom closet waiting for the dust to settle. Which it won’t.

Coach that, badass.

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Worry is a Lack of Confidence (AND an Energy Killer)

January 29, 2015 by

Worry does not empty tomorrow
of its sorrow.
It empties today
of its strength.
~ Corrie ten Boom (1892-1983)

I am often described as outgoing, boisterous, happy, and, yes, a bit obnoxiously perky (especially for those not as excited about the earlier hours). And those things (even the tendency towards the obnoxious) are true.

However, those who know me well will also tell you I also have a tendency to be anxious. My anxiety is sometimes warranted by actual causes for concern. More often, unfortunately, it is just a malfunction in the way I am wired; a reminder that I am, in fact, human and should remain gracious to all because we all have our challenges.

Having dealt with this for a really long time, I have gotten really good at talking myself down. I won’t bore you with the ins and outs of mindfulness based cognitive behavioral strategies or how diet and exercise really do matter. I will tell you that while it all works and I am very thankful for it, it is exhausting.

This is primarily the reason I am also know as an optimist. You will here me repeatedly say things like, “don’t borrow trouble,” “make one decision at a time,” “will will cross that bridge when we get there,” or, my favorite, “let’s step back and make sure we are looking at this right.”

Too often we create more worry by entertaining exaggerated worry over situations that actually require little if no worry at all. At which point we then proceed to escalate the situation. The situation needs attention. We worry. Worry makes us distracted, less focused, hesitant, and less capable to employ our abilities. This makes any situation worse. By the time we have worried all over it, we have created something to worry about!

Today I want to encourage you to focus on confidence. The number one reason for worry, insofar as I can tell, is lack of confidence in ones ability to handle whatever happens next. The future is the largest producer of anxiety. This is so unfortunate because the future holds so much hope and promise! The present is where our potential works and the future is the enjoyment of that success! To sabotage that and to steal that from ourselves is all we achieve when we worry. Our strength lives in certainty, assurance, and joy. That’s a much better basket of tricks than worry.

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Turn Around Tuesday ~ Gretchen Rubin ~ Embrace What Is

September 10, 2013 by

 

Tuesday’s Thought

Embrace what is.

~from Gretchen Rubin’s The Happiness Project

A Bit of Encouragement… 

The relaunch of Turn Around Tuesday has been met with mostly welcoming arms.

Yeah, mostly.

Not everybody was glad to see it. Interestingly enough, the ratio was clearly in TAT‘s favor. And I really meant it when I said that I too have had to unsubscribe from items like this in the past and I knew it was never personal.

I still took it personal.

TAT never fails to awaken something in me. What that something is may change, but it is usually a sense of longing to fulfill a grand purpose; to be all that I was intended and have the potential to be.

That awakening can be daunting.

I immediately default to all the reasons it will fail, why I am not good enough, how I am not capable, equipped, educated, bright, dedicated, young, attractive, wealthy, mobile, flexible, strong…How I am just not enough.

I look at everything that there is not. Everything that I am not. All the things I will never be and will always be not.

In that frame of heart, the slightest bit of, “yeah, that’s not for me” rocks me at my core.

Until I remember to embrace what is.

I am again reminded that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I have a perspective that, amazingly to me, you find interesting at least enough times to let me come back once a week. While what is said is not new, it is mine, and for my heart, and evidently many others, it feels anew. And that’s just as good.

Today I want to encourage you embrace what is. So many times we are wooed into doubt and despair because of the “not.” The fact is that what “is” tends to be so absolutely abundant that we could spend a lifetime exploring all the greatness. The “not” would never be missed if we weren’t actually looking for it. While I may not be fully prepared to do all the things my heart would have me do today, I am enough to move towards those things. What I can embrace is the opportunity to recognize the journey, enjoy the process, appreciate who I am while moving towards who I am becoming. And the truth is, we are all “becoming.”

Thanks for the coffee!

 

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2012 Savannah Rock ‘n’ Roll Marathon

October 17, 2012 by

So I took the plunge and registered. (FYI Registration goes up after the 28th)

As you may know, I fractured my heel Labor Day weekend. For those of you who aren’t runners, that kind of thing wrecks a training schedule – especially when the event you are training for is only nine weeks out. The silver lining – I hadn’t paid for it yet. The elephant in the room – that was the perfect excuse not to try.

I have spent the last 6 1/2 weeks hemming and hawing about whether or not I was going to register for this race. Why? Because I was coming off of an injury?

No. The truth is I hadn’t committed because the dumb bitch in my brain still has some sway when she whispers “you can’t do it.”

Screw her.

One of the best things about running longish distances is the time you get to spend alone with yourself. It seriously clears out the cobwebs. It is for sure cheaper than therapy. Today, I decided it was time to work through why I wouldn’t sign up for the Savannah Rock ‘n’ Roll Marathon.

1. I couldn’t finish due to my jacked up training schedule. Truth – I could walk the damn thing and still finish under the 7 hour course time limit. That is a 16 minute/mile pace. I currently average about 9. I can finish.

2. Well, I CAN finish, but my time would be embarrassing. Truth – ego is a dream killer. Embarrassing? To who? People who will ridicule me for not finishing 26.2 miles(!) in a time they deem appropriate? Why on earth would I even care about those people? Nope, I mean embarrassing to me. And that my friends, is just stupid.

3. I will seriously re-injure myself and I won’t be able to run in Savannah’s first Ultra Marathon, the Rails to Trails 50k. The truth is, I could do that anyway. My last injury happened on a training run. I have a sweet friend who is recovering from an injury that happened via car wreck caused by a texting driver. Anything can happen. People have been telling me for 14 months that I am on the verge of killing my knees, hips, back, ankles, feet, baby unicorn – whatever. And the truth is my body will not be able to do these things forever. But it can do them now. It can do it on November 3rd.

So, I ran up the drive, fired up the computer, and I registered. For 2 seconds I considered the half (which, by the way, is an amazing respectable feat for all those brave enough to try it).

Then I remembered that I wrote this. And I sure as hell don’t want to write it again…

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2012 Manifesto – Because I Like the Word “Manifesto”

December 13, 2011 by

It has been an interesting year…looking back on 2011 as it comes to a close, it seems while one might say “business as usual” there are actually some fairly interesting movements.

Typically, I start each new year with an anthem of sorts…and honestly, I can’t remember what this year’s was. I suppose I could go back and look at some of the places I would have recorded it. But frankly, if I can’t remember, that says something about its importance.

Knocking on the door of 2012, I know there are things that have to change. They have to change because I have changed. I am known for a pretty thick skin. It has worn a bit thin. While I am more comfortable in it, I feel through it a bit differently. Situations that I could view or pass through unscathed now move me in ways that are distracting. My eyes well on a regular basis. My heart hurts. I feel sadness. It isn’t that I myself am sad, or my own circumstances cause pain, but the empathy for those around me.

I witnessed a great deal of pain, sickness, hurt, death, and despair this year. I also experienced great joy, love, creation, and happiness. I doubt there were more occurrences – I am simply more susceptible to its effects.

Things that used to seem interesting or even slightly important now seem pivotal and game changing…

Even as I write this, I realize I am not saying all the things I want to say. It is becoming clear that this movement will develop itself…continue to develop itself…as I grow and learn with it.

I know that I am not all that I could be. I also know that it is not because I fail – but because I have so much potential, I have great room for expansion! I know I make mistakes, I realize that I am not perfect. I understand that if I were to run for a public office, it would be interesting. But I also know that I am a fabulous person. I am not scarred by failure and missteps. I am enriched by experience and journeys.

This year I became a runner. It has had a marked effect on me as a person. It has strengthened nearly every aspect of my person, created some beautiful friendships, and has become a core characteristic of who I am. The combination of time alone, exercise to the body, and a great illustration of my personal fortitude have created a deeper understanding of all that I am capable of.

This year I have owned my profession. For the first time I refuse to accept second best in any aspect of my professional life. I have gone back to school. I have forged new relationships. I have clarified roles, positions, expectations. I accept full responsibility for things that are mine. I do not martyr myself for others who refuse to do the same. I appreciate that there will always be critics and people who have nothing better to do than to try to drag down others. They can do that by themselves – I am not playing that game anymore.

This year I have learned that meanness is a major contributor of all things ugly in the world. Its root is fear. Fear makes for dark places. I am learning to place more emphasis on compassion than right, grace than win, comfort than conversion. I have learned that people are defensive, not because they are created that way, but because they are conditioned to proverbial face slaps whenever a weakness or a fault shows through the façade. So we fake. And we puff out our chests and berate others over the one thing we have gotten right so that maybe no one will notice all the other things we have yet to figure out. Because we can’t be weak…we can’t be wrong…we can’t fail…yeah, I am calling bullshit on all of that. A little harsh in the language category? Maybe, but I am thinking I am going to get pretty darn militant about compassion, grace, and comfort.

This year my family is nearing the conclusion of the journey that will bring us fully into the Catholic faith. It has done more to strengthen our resolve as a family and increase our compassion to humanity in general than I can begin to explain to you. Is this an evangelical mission? Not unless you want it to be…otherwise, it is simply me sharing with you another moment in my year. Interesting that I even feel I have to qualify that…something I will need to chew on…at any rate, this journey is becoming more evident in nearly everything I do. I was nervous about that for a minute. I am not so much anymore.

I am excited about 2012. I am looking for wondrous happenings. I am as prepared as one can be for more heartbreak…because I am committed to loving and serving more fully. In that position, heartbreak just happens – I am working on no longer judging that as good or bad…it just is…and hurting for others is proof of the love for others. Compassion moves with people where they are…and sometimes those places are painful.

But I am committed to the rainbows and unicorns. I am committed to smiles and hugs. I am completely sold out to motivational posters and talking in bumper sticker…because, quite frankly, I am thinking that a happy dork is going to be more productive as a human than a hateful suave.

Photo credit to Planet Breathe

Filed Under: Chrysalis Tagged With: ,

Super Pissed at Rock ‘n’ Roll Marathon Savannah 2011

November 7, 2011 by

Ok, so maybe I am not pissed at them…maybe I am super pissed at me.

The Rock ‘n’ Roll Marathon in Savannah was this past weekend. However, it has been sold out since August. I didn’t even run my first under 10 minute mile until mid September. It wasn’t on my radar.

Ok, so maybe it was on my radar. I get lofty like that. I had a bunch of friends that were running it. Some were doing the full and lots were doing the half. I can do a half. 13.1? Sure, why not? I had already scored a 10 mile run (it was slow, but I finished). Yeah, too bad it’s sold out. Because I could so do that. Yeah.

Then came the day I logged an 11 mile run at a 9:43/mile average. That was cool. Then came the tweet from Bigbie (one of the best running buddies. Ever.) saying there were some spots that had opened up. As in not sold out. As in Cinderella can go to the ball. As in me. As in 13.1. In front of people…really, behind people.

Yeah, no. Quick brush off about registration fee and work and volunteerism…blah, blah, blah. End of subject.

I mean really, those things are a big deal. And who wants to run a race they have never even seen before, right? And really, isn’t it more responsible to not hurry these kinds of things and just make sure you are super prepared? Right?

Whatever. I chickened. Worse – I self sabotaged. I worked so hard to convince myself that this was a great decision that I had almost convinced myself I wasn’t really a runner. My run log last week was seriously lacking. Why? Because maybe I would never be prepared and maybe I started too late and maybe there are all those folks out there who really are runners and won’t that be embarrassing…

Now it was Saturday afternoon…Sunday…reports, stories, pictures are coming in. It was great, it was fun, it was wonderful. And none of them got handcuffed by the imposter police because they didn’t score a 6 minute pace.

And I missed it. Worse than missing it. I chose not to do it. I allowed my brain to jack up yet another wondrous capability that is mine.

So this morning I said screw it. I laced up my shoes and went for a run. Some where around mile 2 I felt better. Somewhere around mile 5 I thought about when I would turn around. Right around mile 6 I realized – I am going to run 13.1 today – because I can!

And that is exactly what I did. In under two hours.

I didn’t get a medal or a picture to post on facebook. But I did get a front row seat at life lesson reminder number…well, it’s a big one.

Forget fear. Forget brain jacks. Forget made up lies about inability and substandard fortitude.

Guess who will be there November 3, 2012 ready to eat 26.2 for breakfast. Until then, I have some new words to remember.

“Do it for fun…even if it is Monday.”

Filed Under: Health and Wellness Tagged With: , , ,

Last Day, First Day

October 16, 2011 by

One of the coolest sayings ever is, I think, a Chinese Proverb or an African Proverb, or who knows – but it is cool.

“The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The second best time is now.”

This is my last day. I usually wait until New Years. But why wait.

I usually do it with a bit more silence. Why? Because this isn’t the first time I have had to do it. I have to remind myself over and over again how easy it is to slip into bad habits. And again, I have to do a hard reboot and, with intention, and in the words of Captain Jean-Luc Picard

I will not sacrifice the Enterprise. We’ve made too many compromises already; too many retreats. They invade our space and we fall back. They assimilate entire worlds and we fall back. Not again. The line must be drawn here! This far, no further! And I will make them pay for what they’ve done.

And when I say “enterprise” I mean myself.

And we all know about compromises and retreats. Ok, well it has become obvious that not ALL of us will admit to knowing about them. But I do. And most people do. And it builds compassion and empathy.

Invade – Assimilate – fall back. How many times have I given into negativity, anger, frustration based on the ugly behavior of other people? How often do I berate myself for allowing the voice in my head to drag me down when it is in fact the voices of other people around me talking garbage into space? How often would I say, “Hey, you dropped that trash on the ground,” but fail ever to point out the pollution being given sound and hurled into space?

Has it become so acceptable to bash beliefs, thoughts, ideas, people because they are not as cool as we think they should be. Sure our ideas differ. Sure we find wrong things that others find right. Sure there are moral and ideological foundations of which we will never agree. But does that lead to condescension, hate, and plain ugly? No more, not here, not today.

I may never lose my snark. But I am deep sixing the negative – again. No more can’t, won’t, frustrated, sorry when it ain’t my fault, tired when I should be excited, sedentary when I should be on fire, confined when I should be busting.

Today I encourage you to plant your tree – literally or proverbially. This is Day One. Everyone is cultivating something. Everyone is growing a thing. I decide to grow something beautiful and purge the weeds. You are welcome to join me. I am who I am because it is who I am created to be – not because others around me have decided to trash the day. In the same respect, you are who you choose to be. Others can affect this choice only insomuch as we allow them to. There is energy and goodness – I plan on harnessing it all.

And for you nosey little ones

  • Yes I regularly see things online that piss me off
  • Yes I regularly see things online that encourage me
  • Yes I am addicted to Pinterest
  • Yes I finally saw the Green Lantern and decided to flex my will
  • Yes I will slip and violate my own dedication to no more ugly
  • Yes I may at times hide behind snark
  • Yes, I am trying to make “yes” my new favorite word.
Filed Under: Chrysalis Tagged With: ,

Reclaiming Strength

August 16, 2011 by

Don’t judge your insides
by someone else’s outsides

~ Author Unknown
~ Laurie Davis gets the credit

I have no idea where today’s quote originated. Evidently, from my web search, no one else really does either. So, my girlfriend who reminded me of it gets the credit. Why? Because really, there isn’t anything new to be said – just awesome people who take the time out of their day to say it. I appreciate her and its my column.

I am feeling fantastic. I have made some serious schedule adjustments and (nearly) daily exercise is my new best friend. I have traded cigarettes for healthier eating. And (gasp!) I have even gotten my kids to agree to try whole food mac and cheese and apple sandwiches. And so far, it has been pretty easy. Know why? The folks I am surrounding myself with make it easy.

So often I allow myself to get thrown off track by the “gurus.” You know those folks. Whatever habit you are trying to kick or start, they are the expert. They never get it wrong and, quite frankly, us mortal beings are kinda useless if we don’t “get it.” The Internet is full of these folks – usually trying to get your money into their wallet. They berate, belittle, judge and condescend. It is a beautifully encouraging thing…really…hmmm sarcasm.

Luckily for me, I have finally learned how to steer clear of those information sources. The neat byproduct of that is I found some new really good ones. They are real folks with real lives and real flaws and real challenges and real success. Yes! You heard me right! We are not the only ones! And they take time out of their day to educate and encourage. I am the excited beneficiary of that encouragement.

I took that encouragement and applied them to “my things.” I had a desire to change some of my health habits. Is this everybody’s “thing.” Nope. And that is okay. This is not a “hey I am getting healthy now everybody needs to go get healthy” charge. The truth is I am still at the really early stages of this journey. I could crash and burn any moment. This is simply me sharing with you that support is good, encouragement is good and mean people do not have the corner market on great information.

Today I encourage you to embrace the idea that we are all not so different. While your thing is not always my thing, we all have them. I am over being told that I am somehow defective because my challenges are different from the ones someone else has. There are too many people in the world to sit at the feet of those who make you feel like crap. Let me be the one to tell you today that you are wonderful. I am wonderful. We are amazing! Cheesy much? Yeah maybe. But hey, if other folks can get away with tearing down, I can take a minute to build up. It is the least I can do after all the support I have gotten and continue to get. I am looking for ways to return the favor.

Thanks for the coffee,**Photo credit to Bobbi Miller-Moro

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The Verdict

August 8, 2011 by

It has been a great day. I felt pretty agitated when I wrote to you earlier. Well, maybe “agitated” is the wrong word. “Hyper” or “over stimulated” is probably better.

See, I want to be better. Ok, so I don’t like “better” either. It insinuates a substandard state. And frankly, I think I am an acceptable human being.  And I am tired of poor mouthing my sense of being to justify a journey to a different state. Damn, I feel the need to spare you this if you choose with another white rabbit.

Incidentally, my husband thinks the white rabbit should now be a mandatory writing style. He assured me that he didn’t mean he would skip MY thoughts to the white rabbit. Just when reading OTHER folks it would be helpful. Hmmm.

When I say there are things I want for me, I really don’t want those who share my current habits to feel like they are being judged – they are not. With very few exceptions (the over sexualization of children being THE BIG ONE) I am really okay with differences. We all have vices. You don’t want mine and I don’t want yours. Hell, most the time I don’t want mine and you don’t want yours. But it doesn’t mean we don’t want to be connected – vices and all.

But my brain is moving. My soul is tugging it so that it has little choice. Kinda dumb for me not to pay attention to that. Along the way, the nudges are supported by neat little events.

This morning I woke up to a request by Clint to engage and support TLW (The Loving Wife). She is kicking skin cancer’s ass. She isn’t afraid of showing you exactly what that looks like and her decisions that got her there. She is now educating folks on a different way. Notice I said educating – not belittling and negating. She emphasizes her healthy, active lifestyle. It is inspiring (“inspiring” is understanded, overused and contrite – it is soul stirring)

Awhile back I found Dinner: A Love Story. She is telling her story about getting her family to the table with great meals. Amazingly helpful.

Rocky likes vodka. We have that in common. She doesn’t ingest artificial anything – her mixes are all natural. Love this! I see a new way to be who I am, what I enjoy, while making different choices. Then she posts about 100 Days of Real Food. This chick is an all natural foodie…with kids…on a budget. Seriously? Is she in my brain?

So, my brain is working. I am feeling supported and affirmed. The day is good and I am thinking about the top 3. Think I have it worked out.

I get home and the kids wanna go for a walk to Grandma and Poppa’s house. Great idea. Hanging out at the their table I mention

Me: I think I am gonna quit smoking.
Pops: I saw that. I will quit with you.
Me: Really?
Pops: Yeah.
Me: Well, not today.
Pops: That’s good. I just bought a pack.
Me: Ok. Just let me know when you are finished.
Pops: That’ll be tomorrow.
Me: Ok. Tomorrow then.

At this point, Ma joins in (provided Pops doesn’t cheat like she insists he always does).

So, I am on the hook for tomorrow. Only thing is, I had already decided that the regular gym visits would be the top 3 victor. And I said only one thing at a time. But, seriously, how do you pass up an opportunity like that?

So, I promised a verdict and here it is. I am going against my better judgement because, quite frankly, sometimes my better judgement sucks. I am gonna tackle all three.

The original plan was start going to the gym, use sunscreen on whatever my next day in the sun was, and quit smoking when the effort at the gym was hindered by it. Well, that’s scraped.

So, my sneakers are ready, my plan is set. If it goes great – wonderful. If I hit some bumps in the road, meh, I won’t be the first.

Not starting on the foodie thing just yet – but it is on the radar.

Who knows. At least it will be interesting 🙂

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In My Own Skin

August 8, 2011 by

Sometimes I write just to know what I think. I put what I think in public places because I believe my friends are the coolest people on the planet and hearing what they think about what I think totally enhances the original think. Yeah – I know you got all that.

***Remember those books where you could make a choice and the next page you turned to depended on that choice? Well, I am giving you that option here. To follow my bananas train of thought, read straight through. To get straight to the end result, scroll down to the white rabbit.

I like video games, cigarettes, a great drink, jalapeno Cheetos, a stunning tan, my tattoos, cold beer, cable tv, hot showers, expensive makeup, hair dye, caffeine, red meat and a whole host of other indulgences that probably do not allow me to function at my peak.

I like the idea of growing a garden, more organic ingredients, being smoke free, a regular gym experience, sunscreen, meditation, a more natural existence, less technology, slower pace, fuller participation in the now and a whole host of other indulgences that would boost the general functioning of my being.

I hate talking about this kind of shit because it drives me crazy when the inevitable few see their one cause in my whole list of stuff, they decided to fashion a quick club and beat me over the head with it. Seriously? Like we don’t all know the amazing dangers of texting while driving and that jumping off a tall building can maim you pretty good or eating nothing but chocolate cake will probably create a waistline issue.

I love information. I detest information in a vacuum. I love interaction and support. I detest when one person’s armor chink serves as ammo for a full on assault by those who have fashioned this area up fairly well while ignoring the gaping the holes they have elsewhere.

I am a whole person. I have ideas in one area that are not practical due to other areas. I have needs in some areas that are exhaustive because of desires in others.

In my skin, I am not a checklist. I am a holistic being with more facets than I even know about. And light from one may create a shadow on the other. And just because our shadows are different doesn’t make us less than the other.

Am I thinking about quitting smoking? Sure I am. Would love to put that out there? Sure I would – most eyes that hit this page will be amazingly supportive. Do I need 12 comments about lung cancer, the health of my children, the cost of the dirty habit, the damn ice caps melting, the polar bears dying, the aliens who refuse to come to this planet and give us the secret to life because I lit up a Marlboro – um no. Does the fear of failure scare me to death? Sure it does. Does that make any attempt of self improvement harder? you bet.  Do I love hugs and loving ass kicks? I sure do. Am I looking forward to the OMG, SMH, tisk tisk, UGH responses that follow a failed attempt at working towards an idea that serves as another’s sacared moo cow? No.

I have it in my head that I want to live a certain way. I don’t know exactly what that way is, but I know how it feels.

Now that the kids are back in school, there is a bit more flexibility in my day. I can only tackle one thing right now. Emotionally, financially, mentally, physically – one thing is my limit.

I am giving myself 24 hours (well actually maybe only 12 or 18) to choose. Your thoughts would be beautiful (as long as you didn’t skip straight to the white rabbit).

– YMCA Schedule

– Give up the smokes

– Sunscreen

And that America, is your top three. They have made it through the elimination process of, can’t, won’t, are you freaking kidding me.

This whole process was supposed to be centering and clarifying – maybe that comes later?

Awesome White Bunny courtesy of Matti Mattila

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