Craft Your Life, Your Way

December 15, 2020 by

The 80/20 principle teaches that there is an imbalance in nature; that only a few things really influence the majority of things.

Day 13 of the 28 Day Self-Growth Plan
The 80/20 Principle: The Secret to Achieving More with Less by Richard Koch

Jen Smith, the author of this guide and the creator of the debt freedom blog Saving with Spunk, went from not being able to stick to a budget longer than two weeks, to paying off $78,000 of debt in less than two years. How did she do this? Read up to find out how you can too!

Day 14 of the 28 Day Self-Growth Plan
The No-Spend Challenge Guide: How to Stop Spending Money Impulsively, Pay off Debt Fast, & Make Your Finances Fit Your Dreams by Jen Smith

I don’t know if this will be a trend, but it would appear that the end of this week (like the end of last week) is suitable for a twofer. So, I give you Day 13 and 14 in one post – but backwards.

Day 14 goes first because there’s nothing to say. Have a budget, don’t spend money like an idiot. Done. Next book.

Ok, seriously. If you have a problem with spending money, maybe this book will help. Try it if you want. I didn’t find anything about this one helpful because my problem with spending money has nothing to do with a budget, lack of thrifty ideas, or not understanding how basic money principles work. My vacillating ability to spend or not spend money comes from a multitude of other mental relationships that have almost nothing to do with money. Therefore, this type of “fix your money problem” book was never going to interest me.

So, there’s that.

And honestly, I don’t remember the 80/20 Principle being so, well, boring. In fact, I remember it quite fondly. Again, my experience with executive summaries is fairly limited so maybe this one just isn’t a great representation. But it was just meh – and I still recommend the book.

I will say that this particular summary instigated a thought connection that I don’t remember having the first time around.

I don’t even know how to piece all these different bits of information together. Hang on and let’s just see what happens.

So, the executive summary mentions the Pareto Principle. Originally noted by Italian economist Villfredo Pareto and then improved and developed over time, the Pareto Principle states that for many outcomes roughly 80% of consequences come from 20% of the causes (the “vital few”).

Then it gets into leveraging time. I am all about leveraging time. And it occurred to me that everyone does that differently.

Case in point: I decided to hire a housekeeper almost two years ago. It has been one of the best decisions of my adult life. I am not a person who finds cleaning cathartic. Actually, I find it quite the opposite. I am, however, the kind of person who finds comfort in a certain level of order.

Ugh, Mark Twain said, “The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter—it’s the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning.” And those aren’t quite the right words.

I am not someone who requires high levels of cleanliness and order. However, my brain rests, my soul relaxes, and my creativity moves easier when there isn’t shit all over the place. I suppose that’s better. You’ll just have to make it up for yourself or ask if that doesn’t make any sense. I’ve decided much of this is just a hair above journaling – I am not gonna wear myself out with the edits.

Anyway, many of the reasons I waited so long to do this have nothing to do with me or money – they centered around what somebody else thought other people would think. I didn’t get that. I mean, housekeepers expect a certain level of mess – it’s literally what they do. They aren’t gonna go back and talk shit to other people about your messy house. And who cares if you hire a housekeeper?

So evidently, I was half right. Housekeepers do not give a shit about your messy house – it’s why they are there and as long as you aren’t a dick, the relationship blossoms into something beautiful. I literally worship both people who have worked in my home and they know if. They make my life infinitely better and I make sure to tell them that all the time.

And evidently some people do care. It’s weird to have folks who aren’t paying your bills or cleaning your house have such interesting opinions on how you accomplish that for yourself.

But people will always have opinions. I have them and I have to check them.

Case in point: Lady in one of my Facebook groups asks for everyone to share their morning routine. As you and I have already discussed, “routine” has a slightly different definition in my world. And I said so is a typical flippant way. “Coffee. All of it. Then *waves hands erratically* whatever comes next.” My tribe was there and we supported each other’s own brand of chaos.

Then there was the other.

5:30 Alarm
5:32 weight and potty
5:41 yoga
6:09 make organic kale Greek yogurt smoothie
6:15 journaling and gratitude
6:45 you get the picture

And her tribe was there, and they supported each other’s own brand of order.

And I rolled my eyes. I am not proud of that, but I am honest. And I thought about it. My eyes rolled because (more honesty), my knee jerk is people that say stuff like that are full of shit. Again, not proud, just telling you how the brain works. I get this full vision of some chick who hasn’t properly washed her hair in days because she is too busy trying to get her Instagram feed properly curated.

And that’s not fair. Moreover, it probably isn’t accurate. I tell people all the time, “If you knew the half of how chaotic my life actually is, you wouldn’t believe it.” And that’s true. So why can’t the other extreme be just as true? Just because I can’t fathom how that works doesn’t mean it doesn’t. And this nice woman doesn’t need or deserve my judgement. If I give her the same consideration I give myself, it is super easy to see – she has a life that works for her. She understands what it might look like to others, but she doesn’t care. She isn’t living for the “others.”

And that’s the only way to utilize the power of the 80/20 rule. It isn’t enough to understand it, believe in it’s realness, trust in the implications. You have to be willing to craft your life, your way. People say that kind of thing all the time without really digging into what that means on a personal level.

Living life on your terms, your way, without apology typically has a lot of people looking for an apology – or at the very least, an explanation – whether it is warranted or not. Be gentle with them and yourself. Everyone gets accustomed to a certain flow. When that flow is disrupted, people get a little agitated. It is to be expected. Check your judgements. Craft your life. Just keep swimming.

Oh. And coffee 😉

Filed Under: Chrysalis Tagged With: , , ,

Thanks For Making Me A Fighter

August 12, 2011 by

Revised and updated 9/2/18

Alrighty, so I already know I am going to regret using that title when I decide to post my Rocky Balboa “let me tell you something you already know” post or “The 10 ways I do and don’t want my kids to be like Christina Aguilera”. But, in my attempt to live more in the here and now, I am running with it – even if, while sincere, it is a bit overstated.

It has been an amazing week. It started with this little “damn I shouldn’t have eaten that pizza after midnight/Jerry Maguire” post {In My Own Skin}. It grew into a wonderfully supported and seemingly universally guided fireball of affirmation. I love it when you make decisions and it seems like the whole existence has been called down to confirm you choice. It doesn’t happen to me very often, so I enjoy it when I can.

I am going to the gym, working out, wearing sunscreen and getting serious about finances (for starters I quit buying smokes). This whole process, in the beginning is total love/hate. Also, it can be a bit overwhelming because there are tons of folks out there who are more than happy to tell you how they think you should handle your business. But I digress. Here are

Folks I Follow so I can be a Better Badass

@parentxperiment – One of my 2 favorite finds this week. So, I am getting ready for my first walk in forever. Really looking for a great time and I plan on being gone for awhile. I really don’t want any boom-shocka-locka music or learning the power of our inner beauty and connecting with our soul glow session. So, I peruse the podcast and come across The Parent Experiment. Hosted by Lynette Carolla (wife of Adam Carolla) and Stefanie Wilder Taylor (not the wife of James Taylor), these ladies and their guests talk about being mommies. No, seriously, they talk about BEING mommies. This isn’t fluff net, suitable for the whole family, I’ll bet my preschool resume is cooler than your preschool resume kind of show. I love it, it rocks and I am a fan. They made 11 1/2 miles in two days seem like a walk to the mailbox.

@100daysrealfood – The other of my 2 favorite finds this week (hat tip to Rocky). Lisa Leake  is a North Carolina wife and mommy of two of the prettiest little girls. She is waging war (and winning) against processed food. Yeah, so there are a bunch of folks like this, I know. But I like Lisa. She has the heart of a teacher – rarely do I find her waving a billy club to beat her readers in the head. She gets the kid thing. She gets the budget thing. She gets the balance thing. She gets a whole lotta crap. And she is only a little snarky, no matter what anyone else says about her.

@couponmom – OK, so I almost didn’t post this one because I don’t think it is an actual manned twitter account. GASP!! I know. But, when I thought about its usefulness in what it is, I figured, what the hell, it’s my blog and I will post it if I want to. This twitter stream is full of updates on some of the best deals and discounts.  Drug stores, groceries, clothing – you name it – if there is a deal, it flutters through, click, bang done. I could really get into this saving money business (did I mention I am in real estate :/) (*This is no longer that account so the link has been removed)

@geekend – one of the coolest things to ever happen to Savannah. Our Creative Coast has outdone themselves this time. While the actual Geekend isn’t until November (October if you are going in Boston), this twitter feed will give you plenty of geek to bridge the gap. Those freaking copper magnets kept my eyeballs glued to the screen – and I can’t figure out why. If you ever need a forward, cutting edge thought, or need some inspiration for your own blow out ideas, this twitter stream is rich with opportunity.

@SavCraftBrew – The whole reason Geekend is only one of the coolest things in Savannah. The Savannah Craft Brewfest makes me want to quit my day job, develop a master line of micro brews and force the Savannah Area Convention and Visitors Bureau to let me be Coastal Brew Diva. I am really embracing this healthier, wholer life – but, you are gonna pry my beer from my cold dead hands. The smokes, you can have – you ain’t gettin’ my beer. Maybe I will save enough money on coupon mom to make the tickets to the BrewFest free…and I am pretty sure I will have worked out enough to afford a teeny weekend of calories. Pop a cold one, I’ve earned it!

@brandipearl – When this chick and I met, we didn’t know each other at all. It didn’t matter. Brandi is such an open, warm, sincere, person, making friends is easy – especially if you are in line for the bar at a kick ass ReTechSouth party.  Brandi is my kind of people. She is, well, Brandi. Oh and she is also the Brains in @MauraNeill’s zombie Apocalypse team. Which is good for Maura. Brandi will do well in the “make you laugh,” “hold down the fort,” and “the kick zombie ass” departments. I’d take her to the CraftBrew Fest.

Filed Under: Paraphernalia Tagged With: , , , ,

Sometimes You Just Gotta Put It Out There

August 5, 2011 by

So it has been a week. And when I say that, I do not mean it has been amazingly wonderful or graphically horrible. I take either one better than I can handle both – which is pretty much what this week has been. Kingda Ka ain’t got nothing on my week.

There was wonderful family time and a tragic death of a beautiful woman. My grandma called to tell me I was “spectacular” after reading my article in the local newspaper. Someone else thinks I suck for the same article. There were professional wins and losses. I had an exhaustive day getting the kids ready for school then got the four out the door the following morning – the oldest a high school freshman, the baby beginning pre-k. I am feeling a bit emotional.

I am searching deep for my inner snark, who is usually always available and on call. Smart assed humor always helps to calm the fear of releasing my inner cheese and writing the next reject show for Lifetime.

Not really feeling it. So instead, I have decided to pare down the number of Follow Fridays today, embrace the cheddar, and hope somebody has a big box of Ritz.

You make me want to be better

@PhxREguy: When I got out of the Navy and started my real estate career, I was no fish and couldn’t spell pond. It was absolute hell trying to figure out my way, my style, my money after the startling realization that real estate does not have auto payday on the 1st and the 15th with additional benefits for sick kids.

I started blogging because writing was the one thing I could do myself without having to pay anybody. Blogging wasn’t huge yet, but it was well on its way – there were already some emerging cool kids.

Jay and I, through ways I can’t remember now, crossed paths. For whatever reason, he invited me under his wing, into his circle and offered what he knew. I had nothing to offer and still cannot repay the kindness. But he is still offering that support and friendship nearly 6 years later. That kind of heart makes me want to be a better person.

@headmutha: I have never had any problem telling the world just how I feel about the Turner family. But my fascination with Rocky has always felt stalkerish. Don’t look at me like that – if you don’t know at least one real person who makes you goofy star struck, you need cooler people to know.

I realized that I feel that way because I always focus on the cool stuff Rocky does – not the person I think she is. I feel like I know her – I realize I might be all wrong and wish I knew her better. But, I am pretty good at this kind of thing (makes up for the fact that I can’t sing), so I am just gonna put it out there.

Rocky makes it easier for me to be comfortable with the crazy, twisted, wonderful scary thing that is my own skin. She seems eclectic, smart, beautiful, confident and strong. That by itself would be intimidating as hell – it’s like an airbrushed super model. And there are few things about airbrushed I can relate to.

But airbrushed she is not. She has shown herself to have fears, hurts, and questions just like, well, me. And she has demonstrated that fear, overwhelming moments, and general real life stuff is not what defines her – it is how she reacts to those things that are important.

In this display I find a renewed understanding in the idea that I am not flawed or broken – I am beautifully woman. I get back to wanting to be a better person.

@TheRealClint: I wish I could tell you that I know Clint and his family. I wish I could tell you that we connected and have communicated online for years and I am proud to now introduce you to him. I wish I could tell you all the quirky things about him that real friends know. I don’t, we haven’t, and I can’t.

Clint is currently kicking cancer’s ass. Through this epic display of strength and family unity, Clint’s friends have rallied around him. We have some of the same friends and the battle cry could not go unnoticed. What I found was inspiring.

Clint is a real guy, with a real wife, with real children with a real life or death situation. I can’t even begin to imagine. And what you will find about Clint is he is a positive, strong individual – but he ain’t no show off. He hurts and, while he doesn’t wallow, he appreciates the support. He is proud, but no so prideful that he doesn’t know when to reach out. He is strong, but he is quick to give credit to his wife, children and friends for shoring him up . He is challenged, but he refuses to be overrun.

I watch this example from a distance. I watch as instead of focusing on himself, he is quick to return that support to others that need it. I watch as he takes a completely suck situation and turns it into something that is enriching the lives of so many. I watch as what would shatter many has emboldened and solidified. Who am I when I whine about the chores, the job or the weather? I watch the love displayed from and around Clint and I want to be a better person.

I appreciate the three of you very much. Just felt like there was no better time than now to tell you. Hope everyone else will excuse the sap. I won’t apologize for it, but I understand it ain’t always comfortable. I promise I will return to the regularly scheduled program in a bit.

Filed Under: Paraphernalia Tagged With: , , ,

Twitter + RSS = Awesome #FF

July 8, 2011 by

It has been a crazy week. In fact, I just noticed that outside of Turn Around Tuesday, this Follow Friday article is the only thing I have written. I was really shook when I realized I didn’t have any new, meaningful interactions on the interwebs – mostly because I haven’t been there.

But, I have been keeping up with my RSS feed (mostly – three days back is acceptable, I think). So for this #FF, I offer you

Tweeters Who Rock Awesome Blogs

And please, before we go any further…Yes, it finally donned on me to screenshot versus taking the picture with my phone. Yes, I should have thought of sooner. Yes, I feel rather sheepish about it. But alas, you didn’t mention it either.

@TheBloggess – This beautiful slice of funny was discovered on a day I just needed a laugh. Glad Doggett, my personal joyologist, was there in a jiffy – with a Big. Metal. Chicken. Yes a big metal chicken. I can’t remember the last time I laughed that hard but I have laughed like that again since. Who writes this kind of stuff for an anniversary?

I’m pretty sure Victor and I just had a fight that he wasn’t even awake for. Which is a little disrespectful, in my opinion.   But fine. I forgive you, Victor. Because your bizarre (probable) feelings about octopuses and anuses are worth my patience and understanding. I love you even when you’re being ridiculous and purposely contrary.  Please try harder tomorrow when you’re awake.

@billdawers – A Savannahian must. Bill is a super smart guy with a wealth of Savannah insight. He does an amazing job aggregating some really great information and putting it into a usable, applicable and interesting  format. Interestingly enough, I don’t know Bill “IRL” which is odd…but his RSS is jam up!

@DinnerLoveStory – Encouraging families everywhere to bring dinner back to the table – at least most of the time. Jennifer and Andy accomplish the best balance of “hey, you know this is a good idea” with “yeah, it’s work – we will help make it easier and not beat you over the head with your shortcoming.” Beautiful. Awesome dinner ideas and fun ways to get the family involved in the joys of great food.

You can assume I know how busy you are and how many other things are ahead of “thaw chicken for dinner” on today’s to-do list. I will never fault you for firing up a frozen pizza when you can’t bear to turn on the stove. I will never judge you for not coughing up the extra bucks for the organic broccoli. And I will never promise you that family dinner is something that can be figured out in five easy steps!

Caffeinated OC Mommy – Sing with me! One of these things is not like the other…one of these things just isn’t the same. Yeah, as far as I know, this SoCo maternal does not have a twitter account. I don’t care – she is the STUFF! Her well thought out advice for Mommies in the summer was PRICELESS! I so want to have coffee with her…but her identity is fairly elusive…

@adaddyblog – Since I had a mommy blog, I wanted to make sure the daddies got their equal time. Not entirely true. This guy had me at the Disney Princess thing. YES!! I am not alone!! This blogging poppa ain’t even afraid to talk about stretch marks. A great read, goodhearted look at the other side of parenting.

@agentgenius – One of the smartest group of real estate minded people on the web. They amaze me on a regular basis with their depth and breadth of information. Techno gadgetry, commercial real estate, housing trends, legislative issues, hot button topics, market ideas – you name it, they got it. Oh, and the head chica is a hottie 😉

Go fill your reader, tell ’em April sent ya, and feel free to add your favorites below 🙂

 

Filed Under: Paraphernalia Tagged With: , , , ,

Yeah, We Got It – You Can Get Belligerent : #trust30 Challenge

June 12, 2011 by

This is the Day 10 Prompt of the #Trust30 challenge.

Day 10 Challenge | Eric Handler | Your Personal Message

To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all men, that is genius. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

What is burning deep inside of you? If you could spread your personal message RIGHT NOW to 1 million people, what would you say?

I understand that being a media junkie can have a negative effect on one’s personal outlook. Oh well – I will just have to remain vigilant. I am an information junkie. I am always on the lookout for a new story, a new view, a new blog, new method, whatever – well, at least new to me.

Living with immediate access to internet and a 24 hour news cycle, this is an easy monkey to feed. But the personal outlook assault is a very real danger. I am not going to name drop those who I feel to be the first offenders – you already know who they are. They never show up to promote anything. But man, they are always looking to tear something down – bashing, fighting, condescending, insulting, slandering, disrespecting, offending. Never mind that they do more to fuel separation, constrain ideas and stunt progress – they just continue to rip away. Nice – that works, we should keep doing that (sarcasm intentional).

I will be the first to admit that there are things that I don’t like I have no problem naming them – The sexualization of today’s children (namely girls) being on top of the list. Ask most people who know me if I can be a snarky smart…well you know…and they will laugh and say, “duh!” I am opinionated and passionate. I believe in a right and a wrong and understand that the gray has to be muddled through. I understand that injustices must be named in order to be righted.

I get it – you can be belligerent. But can you be benevolent?

It makes me nervous when I realize I am dealing with a person about whom I am not sure of the answer. I tend to disassociate when I realize the answer is “no.”

Now, I will name drop. The wrongs of the world are a fact of life. Wasting time and energy raging against their existence is futile – not to mention soul sucking. These folks know that things can be better. They have decided to spend time and energy doing that. The wrongs of the world stir the belligerent in their soul. The goodness of their hearts harnesses that energy into positive creation. And isn’t that the highest and best use of our energy – not to mention soul filling?

Mothers Fighting for Others – Yes, I will mention them as often as I can. This group of fighters saw the injustice. They chose to focus on creating an environment of love, support and empowerment.  Can we rage against the injustice that brought these children to this place? Sure. But what about these children? They need light now – and that’s what MFFO provides. A light, a love, a hope.

What I want for them is simple. I want them to feel loved. I want them to feel safe and secure. I want them to go to school and grow up to be great women. What I want for them is what their Mothers would have wanted. That is it. It’s that simple.

Creative Coast – Those who don’t know Savannah wouldn’t believe half of it if we told you. Like any family, we have our issues – we are working on that. Creative Coast has done amazing things in feeding the diversity and beauty of our beautiful city. The mission statement reads:

To nurture the members of the Savannah community engaged in creative or innovative endeavors and to cultivate an environment in which they can thrive.

Nurture, cultivate, thrive – seriously? How can that NOT be exponentially more effective that continually attempting to condescend and destroy?

Dinner: A Love Story – I love to cook. I have a big family, a big job and little unscheduled time. Some days, getting dinner on the table from something other than a bag or a box might as well be as challenging as milking the cow, churning the butter, killing the chicken and picking the vegetables. But I want to. Lots of us want to.

Meet Jenny Rosenstrach. This chick gets it

DALS is a website devoted (mostly) to helping parents figure out how to get family dinner on the table. You can assume I know how busy you are and how many other things are ahead of “thaw chicken for dinner” on today’s to-do list. I will never fault you for firing up a frozen pizza when you can’t bear to turn on the stove. I will never judge you for not coughing up the extra bucks for the organic broccoli. And I will never promise you that family dinner is something that can be figured out in five easy steps!

Yeah, she could belittle parents like me as parasites attempting to kill the children we secretly loathe. Curse us working moms who put career ahead of family. That would mostly certainly encourage me to listen to anything she has to say, right! Yeah, right after I daydreamed about punching her in neck, I would go find some other cooking momma to appreciate.

TED – Hands down, this group is the best example of building up instead of tearing down. Will TED call out wrongs? You bet they will. Do all the TED folks agree with each other? Nope. Do I agree with every TED idea? Haha – for certain not. But agreement is not necessary for meaningful discussion of ideas. Sharing a value of mutual respect is. And these folks have that crafted to an art. From the website and repeated on their facebook page:

TED believes passionately in the power of ideas to change attitudes, lives and ultimately, the world. So TED is building a clearinghouse of knowledge and inspiration from the world’s most inspired thinkers, and also a community of curious souls to engage with ideas and each other.

Want to get belligerent – fantastic. Can’t wait to hear how that works out for you.

Want to do the really work of benevolence – fantastic. There is certain to be some effectual influence you are going to be proud of.

**Photo credit by Nancy McClure

Filed Under: Writing Tagged With: , ,

Mother’s Fighting for Others : #trust30 Challenge

June 5, 2011 by

Day 5 Challenge | Chris Guillebeau | Travel

If we live truly, we shall see truly. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Not everyone wants to travel the world, but most people can identify at least one place in the world they’d like to visit before they die. Where is that place for you, and what will you do to make sure you get there?

Here is the background, in case there are things about me you don’t know

  • I do not believe in coincidences
  • Children are my passion
  • I will do what I can with what I have – even if it doesn’t feel like enough
  • “Go big or go home” seems like an understatement to me

The prompting for me to tell the following story seems to be coming up with increasing regularity over the past 2 months. Where that is heading, I don’t know. But, the purpose is strong and good – so allow me to tell it again.

I had the amazing fortune of meeting Jeff Turner some years ago. First online, then at a conference. I would hope that he would agree that the relationship is a good one. I admire Jeff and find his brain quirky  fascinating.

Between my family and Jeff’s, there are 10 children. That gives two people a good bit to talk about. Jeff began to tell me about his wife, Rocky. I was instantly intrigued. This beautifully strong woman has a purpose on this planet and it resonated in my heart.

As if wifing one man and mothering six children weren’t enough, Rocky decided no child should be left to fend for themselves, motherless. After a volunteer trip to Kenya, Rocky envisioned Mother’s Fighting for Others.

The mission statement is direct

Mothers Fighting For Others provides orphaned girls with a loving and nurturing environment and a quality education, so they can learn, thrive and achieve their highest potential.

And this thought from Rocky brings tears to my eyes every time

What I want for them is simple. I want them to feel loved. I want them to feel safe and secure. I want them to go to school and grow up to be great women. What I want for them is what their Mothers would have wanted. That is it. It’s that simple.

It is impossible for me to give Rocky all the support she needs, but I know I can do something – even if it is just a small thing. I can tell you. I don’t know if this mission resonates with you. But I do know, if it does, no thing you do in support of it is too small. A prayer, a donation, telling others, encouragement, support – there are lots of things we can do even when we feel like we can do nothing.

It is my goal to travel to meet Rocky’s girls and introduce them to my girls. As a sister and as a mother of sisters, that bond is amazing. I hope to give that type of support to Rocky, help her Mother her girls, teach my children the beauty of relationship outside the normal ideals, that we are all family.

I am also hopeful that I have reached one person – or 20! – that has been moved to do that one thing, whatever that one thing may be. No one person can do all things – but each can do something.

This is the Day 5 Prompt of the #Trust30 challenge

Filed Under: Current Events Tagged With: , , , ,